Ever had a personality trait that makes it impossible to say a two letter word?
This week prompt makes me introspect a little. Personality is basically what makes you you. Some personality traits are really good and some ................. you really wish you didn't have them to begin with. If I could change anything about my personality I would definitely change my people pleasing tendencies.
People pleasing is prioritizing other's needs and expectation over yours or to your own detriment. People pleasing can manifest as kindness, helping others or being non confrontational but it's actually far from it. I try to rationalize my instinctive habits of saying "Yes" by saying I was being nice but I was slowly chipping away my own identity, killing my self and taking away my joy.
Most people will find it outrageous that all I can't do is say "No" and let other people's opinions control me but what they fail to understand is it's more than just saying "No". It is the thought of getting scared of hurting another person feelings, the overwhelming feeling of guilt or responsibility for other people's emotions, the feeling of not letting people down so I say "Yes".
One thing about people pleasing is the fact that you can end up hating or blaming yourself for not setting boundaries and doing things for people just because you were compelled to say "Yes". It will bring about resentment of yourself and others because you feel like the efforts is one sided.
As crazy as all this may sound to you people pleasing is actually very serious and can take a toll on ur mental well-being. I struggled a lot with relationships and I still do because I suck at communicating and setting boundaries. I never really said what was on my mind for the fear of being judged or disliked. always second guessing because I'm only as useful as other see me.
One thing I really can't pinpoint is what brought out this personality trait in me, most of the time it just a habit your subconscious just picked up or a coping mechanism for a traumatic event that happened. Although it is easy for me to pick this up as my part of my personality trait dropping it is the opposite. It's hard for me to unlearn the instinctive behavior of saying "Yes" but at least I've acknowledged that I have an issue and that is already fifty percent solved.
When I realized, my first response was to avoid talking, giving and people entirely. I built a wall and slowly pushed people away. But I realized now that not being kind was never the answer, it's giving yourself time to decide what you really want for yourself and if you are comfortable with giving, it's understanding that it's okay to put yourself first.
blockquote
You are you first before anyone else
It's okay to be selfish sometimes, it's okay to fight for your self. It's okay to let people down, it's okay to live for yourself instead, it's okay if you don't live up to people's expectations, it's okay it let people know how you are feeling and it okay if you can't help, you were not put In this world for someone else.
If there's on last thing I'd say is there's a difference between pleasing people (making someone happy out of love) and being a people pleaser(making someone happy out of compulsion) don't get it twisted. Please people but don't forget yourself along the way.
Thanks for reading ☺️
First image was created with chat gpt
And the second is mine.