Greetings! I will say, this week's prompt is my best topic so far, maybe because I'm a lady who has experienced one or two things in relationships. No doubt, love is a beautiful thing, that intoxicates one like wine. Being in love can be so sweet and rewarding with both parties mutually enjoying companionship, support, and other benefits. Some even claimed and believe that love is blind. You see them going all out for their partners, tolerating all sorts whether it is convenient or not. They put their all in relationships, and mostly ignore some disturbing signs that pop up along the journey.These disturbing signs in relationships are what I regard as red flags. I always wish my relationship lasts and end well, but no amount of love can blindfold me to smile over some things. Even, an adage in my place says " we clearly see even while we are crying" . My red flags in relationships include: over-possessiveness, stinginess, nonchalance , rejection of growth and the likes.
There was this guy I was in a relationship with sometime ago. He was a very handsome, brilliant and lovely guy. In fact, every lady in my class in the tertiary institution wanted him at all cost. As at then, he was a first-class student and that made everybody love him more. However, months into our relationship, I noticed how he wouldn't even call me to say 'hello'. I noticed how I had been the one doing most things in the relationship. I wondered how you would have a girlfriend and wouldn't pick up your phone to call her for a week or more. This was not because he was busy with studies, I used to see him engaging with several ladies. His nonchalance towards me was just second to none. So, I knew right away, it wasn't a good sign but a red flag. Many women are dying emotionally in their husbands' houses this day because of neglect by their husbands. They suffer so much in silence, and feel unwanted, rejected and finally become depressed. I believe it didn't just start in a day. That kind of man must have shown such behaviour in time past, maybe two or more times during courtship. So, even when I'm in love, I watch out, because I'm too precious to be dumped or abandoned.I also believe I must be treated right, no matter how handsome my partner is, I am neither bad. So, when I'm putting my all, I don't ignore any action that berates my good heart.
Also, there was another red flag that made me flee a relationship years ago. Imagine, there was this guy also that I was in a relationship with. He looked so calm and he's from a wealthy home. This guy disturbed me so much before I agreed to be in relationship with him, because I'm from a humble background which didn't match his background. After so much pressure from him, I agreed and it was going on smoothly.
But there was a time I wanted to write an exam and needed a little to complete the money I had saved for the form. So, I had no choice than to ask him for about #5000 to complete my form fee. He said he would give me but he blocked my line that day and I didn't hear from him till I requested an advance payment from my boss then to complete the money. He unblocked me when he knew the form must have closed and started giving excuses. I wrote the exam, passed and was just waiting for the second stage. He came begging and I innocently believed him until he repeated the action when I needed him the most, despite the fact that he had the money. Then I knew, the flag was reddish and it was time to run. Thank God I didn't marry him, it would have been a hell. He even told me years later that he's the man that need to spend on his own education. He said that education for a woman shouldn't be really invested on.
So, red flags shouldn't be ignored for whatever reason. They are real and are warning signs in relationships. Hence, we must be sensitive and sensitize the younger ones to beware. Also, self-love is important, if you love yourself, you won't want yourself to be hurt.
This is my entry to the hivenaija weekly prompt.
Thanks for reading.
Pictures used are mine.