Humans cannot survive alone in this world. From the moment of birth, we are wired to build bonds with people starting off from family till we eventually become a tree interwoven with numerous roots of attachment. Relationships are incredible life tutors with the ability to show us who we are, what we are worth and how far we can go for our feelings. They can break us, mold us and even serve as the necessary push to strengthen us into better modifications of ourselves. Most part of my life I have always confronted love with a bulletproof vest over my heart to protect it from the slightest bit of hurt . Deep down I wanted to give it my all but It was not something I truly believed in as back then thinking it will definitely end badly. All that changed late 2021.
As a young lad I always perceived love as a waste of both time and money. Since I could not afford the latter and the former was something I don't want to waste, I kept love as far away as possible. Whenever I find myself in relationships, I never make an effort for it to work, running away from the tiniest sniff of trouble. My usual sentence were " whenever this stuff bores you just tell me so we can end things".
This continued for years until 2020 when I fell head over heels for a damsel named Mercy. I don't even know how it happened, we just clicked during the lockdown period and I knew deep down that I wanted her and nothing more. It took months but I eventually discovered the reason she was always available, she was using me as an emotional animal to shadow her messy relationship. She had found out that her boyfriend was a lousy cheat and was trying to stay away from him but couldn't as she was still into him. I tried everything I could to make her forget about him to no avail. Late that very year I got a call from the guy telling me to leave her alone as they had reconciled which she confirmed. He also threatened to mess me up if I tried to interfere in their affairs ever again so I was forced to back down. But this girl would not let me go she was still messing with my head. I was stuck in her web of emotional manipulation. I could not have her and she did not want to let me move on and so in the end I decided to avoid social media entirely just so I can heal.
On the day I was planning to delete my Facebook account, I saw something that caught my attention, a girl with an anime character as her profile and being an Otaku,I hit up without hesitation. There were sparks in the air and I was so sure Cupid did not want me to give up on love just yet. We started talking and talking and talking and talking, there was always something to converse about as we both had similar interests. Stephanie ( which was her name) had a way with always saying the right thing, I was still in school when we started talking and we both promised to officially start dating when I return for the holidays.
After three months of school I rushed back home the very day I wrote my last exam for the semester swinging by her to her place first just to surprise her I was back before even going home. Stephanie was everything I had imagined and more, her parents welcomed me , I bonded with her siblings and things were looking up until fear creeped in.
Despite Stephanie always telling me that she didn't care that I was broke, I knew this relationship would blow up if I don't get something doing . Stephanie's residence was far from my home and I could not even afford to go there without lending money from my brother. I could not even assist her even if I wanted to and it broke me. I had no skill then, the holiday was brief and nothing felt like it was going to work.
After much introspection, I eventually broke up with Stephanie under the basis that she was too good for me. She tried to convince me that we could still make it work but I was adamant, I had absolutely nothing to offer other than sweet words which she could get from anywhere as she was pretty and smart. I know it broke her heart when I ended things but I was in a worse state than she was carrying this burden for a while before deciding to end it all.
I learnt a very valuable lesson from that relationship "Don't rush into a relationship when ur life's a mess". I know a lot of people will come after me for this but how do you expect a relationship to work when your life's in shambles?, you have no job and no plans to even control your life. They say love is a beautiful thing sweeping you off your feet when you least expect it but to be on the safer side of love, I will always be ready before that love strikes again ( I no go ever enter any relationship until I fit take care of myself).