Setbacks are a prerequisite for growth on the path to success. However, seeing them as setbacks could be the very reason they would never be conquered. I prefer the term challenges. Let’s face it, every challenge or difficulty we come across is always as a result of our decisions. The thing that is worth noting is that despite it being our decisions that brought us to a place of probable discomfort, it is still our decisions that can take us out of it. So, we can decide to move forward and grow through our challenges or we can sit back and throw a pity party. In the end, the one to reap the fruits (good or bad) will be you.
I find that there is no one way of moving forward. Especially in this colourful world filled with different people with different backgrounds and experiences, we can either call it black or white depending on how we were raised. The way the average Nigerian would respond to challenges isn’t the way a middle-class European would. One of the reasons being that both are from different spheres of life and have their scopes tailored to their upbringing. So, there isn’t one way. Which is why some people would resort to downloading content of authors who more or less have familiar values but totally different testimonies and stories. This would not only broaden their minds on the limitless possibilities there are to solutions for one problem, but would also educate on the art and importance of the right response and attitude.
I have no recipe on how you can overcome challenges as my life is a delicious cocktail mix of chaos and exquisite turbidity on its own. I do know it would be delusional to even try explaining it and expect people to understand or maybe even pick it up. However, I will still share my methods.
I embrace the darkness. In this case, my darkness is the challenge. I do not fight or resist. The fact that it is there means it is a part of me. What I do is sit with it and properly reflect on the causal effect. I play different scenarios in my head and then, I settle on the most applicable. This is also how I learn life lessons. How I learn not to repeat mistakes. I accept that I have been brought to that point. I forget the past - that is all it is now, history and regret never did anything good for anyone.
When I have come to terms with my actions and where they have led me, and also reflected and done a lot of inner ramblings, I do the inevitable. Take a step forward. Look for a possible solution. Mind you, sometimes the step forward feels like you are going back. It almost feels like there is no growth and you are back to square one. When you begin to feel that way, be patient. Keep taking those steps forward. They can be as small as taking a stroll or even calling a friend. Just keep doing it and you might not feel the change immediately, but it is happening.
Forgiving myself or others. This is the most important. I have to forgive myself for letting my actions bring me to this point. What I do is usually an exercise. I wait for nightfall and while my family is enjoying TV in the living room, I enter the bedroom, shut the door and turn off the lights. In that dark space, I close my eyes and let all my actions come to memory. If there were other people involved too, I let them come. I replay the whole thing that happened and then like I learned from Louise Hay, I imagine myself or the people who have wronged me (or I have wronged) moving on. I imagine myself/them prospering, getting good things and being who they always dreamed to be. The tension fades into nothing after I’m done.
From there, I move forward. I do not dwell on the past and I sure do not let the past in anymore. It is what it is - the past. The only way to overcome challenges is forward thinking. You can’t think forward if you are consumed by regrets, anger, self-reproach or hate. So, to ensure that I am growing daily (no matter how insignificant the climb), I do these things.
