I think the first thing that I have come to be grateful for is the impact of growth. I was reading a post in response to the prompt and my mind opened up to how much change can mean at a particular point in time. Change is dynamic, it can take many forms and it can happen when you least expect it.
As a kid, I enjoyed eating butter and honey but now, their smells could be nauseating to me. I also loved to create insane stories in my head regarding certain things and to a certain extent, I still do it but I am more in control of what I let up there because I understand the power my mind has. There are a lot of things I remember loving. Long walks, going out visiting friends, watching soap operas and what not. Now, it’s not the same.
In the same way, I can attribute it to my person in how I have evolved as a human being. I find that trying to get people to see things my way (especially when I feel it is right) is unbearably exhausting, explaining why I do things or why I don’t makes me want to ram my head into a wall. Talking about things that don’t interest me to try to make the other person comfortable (or like me) gives me a headache. I prefer silence most of the time. I would rather be misunderstood than go out of my way to please you. I can’t even be bothered by your perception of who I am. I don’t know how or when it happened but slowly, I found myself craving more of the simple things: peace, quiet, mental stability, genuine connections, love, service among other things.
I grew up afraid of dark places but now I crave them. I want to lock myself up and spend time with my person. I want to bask in the silence of my soul, just be one with the woman I really am. I am not afraid of my thoughts (on most days), I seek them, let them in, dissect them and embrace them. I prefer to be alone most days and away from the noise of the world. This is why I love dancing (even if I don’t know how to). It helps me connect with the most abstract parts of myself. I don’t know how to explain it except it is a spiritual language and it tethers me to the consciousness of how big the world is and how much my existence, as insignificant as it might be, is predestined and purposed.
