While many people have fond memories of their childhood friends, I never had that experience. I don't recall having a childhood friend with whom I shared a deep connection and created lasting memories. Whenever someone mentions that person X is their childhood friend, it always reminds me that I never had one.
My siblings and I were the 'get inside' kids while growing up. Although my parents weren't overly strict, allowing us to interact with others, I never formed a strong bond with someone during my childhood.
I've often heard people refer to their close friends as 'besties' or 'best friends' from way back. But I never had that feeling of tightness or closeness with someone during my growing-up years.
As I grew older, particularly during my teenage years in senior class, I started to view the concept of a 'best friend' as overrated. To me, having a best friend meant being willing to go the extra mile for that person, reciprocating their energy, and being deeply invested in the relationship.
However, I've always been someone who cherishes closeness and genuine connections but I've always viewed the idea of best friends with skepticism, fearing that the other person might not reciprocate my energy and efforts.
When I reached my second year in university (200 level), something shifted. For the first time, I felt a deep connection with someone, a sense of closeness that I'd never experienced before.
This person was my first real experience of having a close friend. We shared many moments together, and our friendship grew stronger with time. As someone who values closeness, I cherished that friendship deeply.
Interestingly, I never referred to this person as my 'best friend.' Instead, I called them my 'favorite friend.' To me, 'best friend' implied that this person was the absolute best out of all my friends, which didn't sit well with me.
I believed that each of my friends, although not extremely close to them, brought unique value and impact to my life. I didn't want to diminish that by labeling someone as my 'best friend.' So, 'favorite friend' became the term that suited me.
I was willing to go the extra mile for this person. I don't easily call someone my friend, but when I do, it means they hold a special place in my life but eventually, we drifted apart after school, and the friendship ended on a sour note.
I was heartbroken. This person was my confidant, my go-to person for everything. I had grown accustomed to sharing my thoughts and feelings with them alone. When we stopped talking, I felt lost and traumatized.
My initial fears about getting close to someone had finally come true. I was scared of vulnerability, and now I felt the pain of it. I struggled to come to terms with the end of our friendship, and it left me feeling sad and uncertain.
Although I was sad and traumatized by the end of that friendship, it ultimately turned out to be a blessing in disguise. Lol, as I couldn't afford therapy, I had to become my own therapist. I discovered new things about myself and found ways to heal.
I occupied myself with work, music, and writing. I realized that I didn't want to rely on just one person for emotional support, so I started building relationships with different people.
Now, I have multiple friends, each with their own unique connection to me. I don't burden one person with all my thoughts and emotions. Instead, I have different friends for different aspects of my life.
This approach has worked well for me, and I've learned that not everyone has the capacity to handle someone else's emotional weight. I'm grateful for the lesson, and it's helped me maintain healthy friendships.
That initial experience taught me to be stronger. If a friend decides to distance themselves or act differently, I'm no longer deeply affected. I know I have other friends to turn to, and that's a comforting feeling.