There are some moments in life that feel like a scene from a movie unreal, intense, and unforgettable. That’s exactly how I’d describe the early stages of my marriage. Looking back now, it feels like I was living through an internal movie, one where I lost the script midway. And sadly, I never thought to include my wife in the sequel.
Let me take you through how it all started.
During my university days, I was the kind of guy who admired physical beauty in women. I used to tell my friends that I wanted a woman who had both good character and a banging body specifically, big breasts and a big backside. But to be honest, even though I mentioned character, I didn’t really prioritize it. I was carried away by lust and focused more on physical appearance than inner qualities.
As fate would have it, in my final year, I met a beautiful lady my junior in school. She was everything I dreamed of physically. We started dating, and even after I graduated, we continued our relationship. She had all the features I ever desired, except one: character.
After I graduated, life started looking good. I had digital skills data analysis and forex trading and thanks to my father’s inheritance, I owned property and had no financial worries. My three sisters also married into wealthy families, so I didn’t feel pressured. My then girlfriend eventually graduated two years later, and we both went for NYSC. Since I was financially stable and my mother was eager to see me married, I decided to propose.
My wife came from a wealthy home too, so there was no sense of "gold digging" on either side. She accepted my proposal, and we got married after three years of dating
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At first, things were perfect. I loved my wife deeply, and I knew she loved me too. I can boldly say she never cheated on me during our relationship. But just a few months into our marriage, things began to change.
I started seeing behaviors that weren’t there when we were dating. My wife became reluctant to cook or clean. The house would be a mess, and there would be no food when I came home from a stressful day at work. Worse still, her tone and attitude toward me became disrespectful.
Now, let me be fair: my wife is a hardworking woman. She's a freelancer and a web designer we both studied Computer Science. She earns her own money from the comfort of our home. Meanwhile, I had opened a physical office in Lagos and was funding nearly everything in the marriage her hair, clothes, even water bills. Despite her earning well, I never required her to spend her own money.
Naturally, I was confused and frustrated. My friends told me she was acting out because she now had money. Others said I should go for a divorce since there was no peace in the home. I began to believe it too, especially since the love I once had was fading.
But something inside me wasn’t ready to give up. I didn’t want to lose my wife to the streets. We were only eight months into the marriage.
So I called both our parents for a family meeting. Unfortunately, even after all the discussions, nothing changed. The house was still tense. I was on the verge of choosing divorce until one early morning, I woke up with a strong urge to talk to a therapist. That decision turned out to be the game changer.
Meeting that therapist changed everything.
He asked me a simple but deep question: How did the cockroach get into the cupboard? I said, I don’t know.And he smiled. Then he said, Your wife didn’t suddenly become this person. Think about your relationship how you were when you first started and how things have changed.
It hit me. During our three years of dating and the first few months of marriage, we worked from home together. We spent time together. We built our bond daily. But after taking advice from friends, I set up an office and started spending less time at home. That’s when the distance crept in. I had blamed everything on her character, forgetting that environment can influence behavior.
The therapist advised me not to involve any third parties friends, family, or even her relatives in our issues anymore. He said marriage is best resolved by the couple involved. He encouraged me to close my office temporarily and spend time at home with my wife, just like we used to.
That move changed everything.
Living and working together again allowed us to reconnect. I saw my wife in a new light and realized that her behavior wasn’t rooted in wickedness but in disconnection. It truly was a case of out of sight, out of love. The physical presence we once had was the glue, and when it disappeared, so did our bond.
Today, I thank God I didn’t listen to my friends. Divorce would have been the biggest mistake of my life. Instead, I chose to look within, take responsibility, and rekindle the love that was there from the start.
My Final Advice
If you're struggling in your marriage and it feels like love is gone, don’t be too quick to give up. Take a step back. Ask yourself, Is this how we started? You might realize that a simple shift more time, more presence, fewer outsiders can make all the difference. Because love, when it was ever real, can always be rebuilt.
Thanks for stopping by to read my story! I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
. The pictures were all AI-generated