A woman spend every of her precious time to care for her younger ones. They never an orphans but the younger ones expect such helps from their senior sister at all time and for every bills. The senior sister did not mind of their incessant needs for help but genuinely want to help her family. This happened for years and the younger ones with their dependants view their benefactor as a fool because they are not grateful for what she have done for them.
This event above is a typical example of many people in African homes are experiencing. Due to the Virtue of extended family relationships, many people in the family especially the younger ones depend solely on their seniors for everything. Also, their seniors never reluctant to help them. But many times, they abuse that helps and termed their seniors, evil people when they can't keep up with their incessant wants or helps.
These Abusers of helps abound. They are not grateful for the goodness and helps, they received but abuses the mercy of their helper. They have entitlement - mentality, a common slang in Nigerian lexicon to mean that they are pests that wanted to be feed at all time. For example, John Mikel Obi, former super eagle and Chelsea player captured the whole story in one of his invited podcasts. He said that one of his relatives will called him for help at all time while they keep giving birth for more children. They keep doubling their expenses even when they are dependent and will never be happy whenever he failed to their demands.
Many people have decided not to help others because of these abuses. But being generous is one of good characters, the world needs for humanity to thrive. How best can one checkmated these abusers of help even being active in helping genuine and grateful ones.
Firstly, accept that not everyone needs your help and never your responsibility to help everyone of their needs. Truly, there's need for help and help is urgent, but never your responsibility to help them. Becoming an observant like others will be better in this case since they are ingrate and abusers of help. Hear their complaints as others do but encourage them to solve their problems will be better than being hurt whenever you help them out.
After many incidents when you acknowledge that their problem is not your responsibility, they will stand up for their own good and foot their bills. They will never abuse your mercy but continue to respect you. For example, not accepting the fully responsibility of the infamous wars against Ukraine from their senior brother, Russia by the United States of America and their allies have helped not to escalate the war front and engulfing the world in that inexpensive war campaign. Being wise and accepting that it's never their responsibility have kept this war in its state and lower its costs.
Secondly, involve others to render this help will assist you, not to be abuse or blame for their responsibilities. Involvement of others is a shared responsibility and when others failed to help out, the helper will not be blamed but the people involved. Rather than playing hero for ungrateful people, called for other people to become the hero and victim when they abuse their helps.
Involving others in that course of helping others is the best form of aiding those unrepentant abusers of help. Also, it will never cost you much while doing that. A good example on this regard is the role that former US president, Trump did during the early stages of Covid sickness. Although United States of America have been leaders in many world politics and demands which many countries have termed them "world police" erroneously. But they failed to remember that these campaign have been genuine and resulted in goodness for the world despite the costs in their lost of lives and money. When Trump urge other nations to contribute heavily for this course that helps them, not to spend much and their abusers to share the blame too.
Thirdly, play victim at times. People run away from misfortune and will never want to associate with such incidences. Being victimized and cry fouly have helped many people in the presence of their abuse of help. Tell them that you have that same problem in highest degree to help them to know that it's right for them to fed for themselves.
One of Igbo proverbs concluded this matter in this narrative. A man that called his inlaw for a help to kill and share their cow for meat. After the event, the inlaw approach the man with sense of accomplishment and asked him of how he observed his assistance. The man rightly responded that when he called him, next time. Then he will know that he did very well in this respect. By playing smartly and victim at same time, the man have heaped hot charcoals on the inlaws' conscience and mind.
Finally
Being generous is a wonderful Virtue but one needs to render such helps for a genuine course. Pests can only be removed and killed if not, they will kill their victims at the long run. Never give them such chance but stand against them.