I had an experience in high school, but I didn’t learn the lesson at the time, partly because I was naïve, and mostly because I decided to trust people so much that I relate with them how I want to be treated. However, what I didn’t learn early enough is the fact that people-pleasers live a tough life.
I had a friend in high school who was supposed to be my best friend then. Well, to me, she was, but to her, she eyed the greatest girls click of all time that was filled with bullies with semi-rich parents who would squeeze the life out of you and would turn around to instigate the whole of the boarding students against you if you refused them a favour.
Actually, what I didn’t notice early was that my friend, (let’s call her Maya) had the trait of “using people”, so she fitted perfectly into the click she so much admired. It wasn’t my fault to not notice. I deal with people with plain mind, so I expect a reciprocation of such, but instead, I got what I didn’t bargain.
Maya’s parents were well to do, so she had almost everything anyone in the hostel could need. But one thing, Maya would never let go of anything. Rather, she preferred to return everything home at the end of each term. Why? I didn’t get an answer till we graduated, so I don’t know.
But one thing she knows I wouldn’t do was say NO to her or anyone else because I liked to be on everyone’s good books, so, she took a very good advantage of that weak trait I had. I didn’t see it a bad thing because she was my friend.
I gave everyone everything I had, except my school uniform and some other wears. They knew I wouldn’t refuse them a favour even if it meant going hungry or waiting for the person I borrowed my pen to finish using it before I write. Oh, Maya knew this, informed the clicks about it, and they took advantage of me. Did I mind? No.
The day I became an enemy to all of them was a day I bought a new exercise book for one of my classes, and one of them came to me and said, “Monsuroh, I need that book for maths too, so, give me”, and I outright refused. Was she shocked? Oh, yeah, she was but somehow, I didn’t feel bad for refusing her.
On getting to the hostel later in the day, the story about me had suddenly changed from the good girl to the stingiest one ever. Suddenly, nobody would associate with me because of a single NO. I wasn’t shocked when I started hearing rumours about the kind of life I had lived, and to the bone marrow I was shocked when I realized that the person that pioneered the stories fabrication was my so-called best friend, Maya.
Did I respond to any of their allegations? No. Rather, I became a loner who everyone wouldn’t think of approaching to ask for a favour because they definitely will get a resounding NO especially if I really see how inconveniencing it would be for me.
I met another person who I used to borrow money for, and even though he knew I was broke, wouldn’t ask me how the money would be refunded.
The day I told him NO when he requested some amount of money I knew I couldn’t afford and I said I wouldn’t borrow for him, he said, “You don’t use to be like this ooo. You used to be very nice”. Oh, well, I understand that the niceness is at my detriment, and I don’t mind being in someone’s bad books for not trying to please the person so I could be the good girl.
The moment you master the art of saying NO when it’s not convenient for you, you are a step closer to doing the things you deem right without minding the people. To them you’ll be a bad person, but that’s just a way to bring you back to the expired era of people-pleasing.
This is my entry to InLeo prompt for the month of November.
Images are mine.