Best believe, I’m starting this article with an evil laughter, so picture it as you read.
Mwahahahaha!
I know this is going to spark a lot of controversy because the last two times I had this conversation with people, I almost got swallowed alive. But I will forever and always stick to my truth, and that is....
CHOCOLATE IS MID!
If you’re a chocolate fan, I’m not even sorry. What exactly do you enjoy in that taste? Every time I’ve tasted chocolate, it tastes like a mix of charcoal, sugar, cocoa butter, sucrose, with a pint of toothpaste. What exactly is it about this flavor that is fascinating? The ONLY thing I can tolerate about chocolate is its color, and that’s because it’s the same color as my skin. I mean, I wouldn’t call my skin ugly now, would I? Nope, wouldn’t do that to prove a point.
But back to the matter, chocolate, in all its forms, is overrated. Okay, allow me discuss this at full length.
I don’t know who started the propaganda that chocolate cake is the superior cake, but that person needs to be questioned. Why does it always taste like burnt sugar? And why does it always come with some bitter aftertaste? Vanilla cake will always have my heart because; moist, fluffy, and actually enjoyable, what more could you ask for? Meanwhile, chocolate cake always has people forcing themselves to eat it just because it looks rich. Nah, I refuse to be deceived.
Why do people enjoy suffering? Why am I being forced to drink something that tastes like it was brewed in the pits of frustration? Hot chocolate is literally powdered sadness. Milo and Bournvita are the only exceptions because, as a Naija babe, I have my priorities straight. But even then, I mix my Milo with more milk than chocolate. Why? Because chocolate is mid.
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Chocolate Perfume? Why?? Why do people want to smell like food? I don’t get it. You’re walking past someone, and instead of catching a nice floral or fruity scent, all you get is a whiff of chocolate. Do you want people to start chewing on you? And don’t get me started on chocolate-scented body creams and lip glosses—why do you want to smell like something that attracts ants? Okay, maybe this part is just unnecessary bitterness because chocolate-scented lip-glosses do actually smell nice, but no, I refuse to accept that fact. I only buy chocolate-scented lip glosses for the packaging.
If we want to talk about the real deal, let's talk vanilla. The flavor is soft, comforting, and warm. Vanilla cake reminds you that you're a woman. Vanilla drinks tells you, "have a soft and joyful day". Vanilla perfume? Classy and easy. You don’t have to force yourself to like vanilla, it’s naturally pleasant. Unlike chocolate, which people have convinced themselves is a luxury experience when it’s actually just bitter, processed cocoa beans.
Someone once said to me, that vanilla is boring, so why have you chosen to embrace the drama and confusion that comes with chocolate rather than the ease and soft life that comes with vanilla?
Seriously, I genuinely believe that people don't actually like chocolate, it's just peer pressure. At least, I hope so. That'll be better than actually having a genuine likeness for the flavor because honestly, WHY?
Stay blessed and thank you for reading! :)