I've spent quite some time thinking about love - not just the butterflies or the late night phone calls, but the kind that stays. The kind that shows up on ordinary days.
They never really tell us what marriage is - not beyond the beautiful gowns, the matching rings, the smiling Instagram photos, or the idea of "forever".
Growing up, we saw weddings more than we saw marriages. We heard about "tall, dark, handsome" more than we heard about patience, sacrifice, or emotional safety. And so we grow up with preferences dressed up as standards.
But somewhere along the line - after a few heartbreaks, some healing, and long talks with myself - I started asking different questions. Not "What do I want him to look like?" but "What do I want us to feel like?
And that's what this is about. Not the fantasy, not the fairytale - but the kind of love that can last in reality. This is me, being honest about what my heart truly wants in a marriage.
1. Peace over perfection
I don't need someone who turns heads when they walk in a room. I need someone who calms my storm without even saying a word. Someone whose presence feels like a deep exhale after a long day. Someone whose presence feels like home. Who knows how to sit in silence with me and still make me feel heard.
2. A partner, Not a project or a boss
I want someone to build with, not someone to fix or follow blinding. Marriage isn't a hierarchy. Whether we both work, or one of us stays at home, I don't care - as long as we're both putting in efforts. I don't want to carry someone, and I don't want to be controlled. Let's walk side by side, not ahead or behind.
3. Romance that's real, Not just random
Forget grand gestures once a year. I want consistent affection, thoughtful moments, and a heart that sees me. A simple forehead kiss. An "I made this because I know it's your favorite".
Flowers are cute. Surprises are sweet. But give me the person who notices when I'm quiet. Someone who still reaches for my hand after a fight. Who prays with me, laughs with me, dances in the kitchen with me. That kind of romance? I'll take over fancy dinners any day.
4. Submission, But the kind that's mutual
I'm not talking about blind obedience. That word scares a lot of people - and I get it. But to me, true submission isn't about silence or surrender. It's about trust. I want to submit to a love that protects, not controls. That listens, not commands. And I want to give that same love back - with joy. A kind of love where both of us are safe enough to be vulnerable with ourselves. Where we take turns leaning on each other.
5. Character over charisma
I've seen charming people leave emotional messes behind them. So I want someone whose integrity speaks louder than their jokes. Someone who shows up when it's inconvenient. Who apologises when they're wrong. Who's the same person in private as they are in public. Someone who doesn't just look good in photos but feels good to come home to.
6. Be my lover, my best friend, my safe place
More than anything, I want to feel seen. Not just touched. I want to be known - the good, the bad, the messy. I want deep conversations, silly moments, silent prayers and shared dreams. I want a best friend in the truest sense of the word. Let's laugh until we cry. Let's cry without shame. Let's pray when we're scared, dance when we're happy, and talk about everything and nothing at 1am. Let's be each other's soft place - not just physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
So no, I don't want a picture-perfect marriage. I want an honest one
I want love that grows through the messy, ordinary days. A love that won't run at the first sign of trouble. A love that feels like choosing each other - over and over again, even when it's hard.
Because at the end of the day, real love isn't loud. It's consistent. It's kind. It's patient. It's deeply felt but often quietly shown.
And that's what I truly want.
Not just a wedding.
A marriage worth coming home to.
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