Hello June!

Let’s start with the general assumption that nobody likes being a failure or failing in life. There are all sorts of feelings associated with it and sometimes people go to extremes just to escape that feeling or even avoid it altogether. Oftentimes, when you feel like you’re failing, it feels like that's the end of the world but is it really the end of the world or your world?

While I was cleaning up boxes of notes and notebook, I found a paper that had the notes on the metrics of how I lead my life. It reads: First,never fail. Second, I have to be perfect. Last but not least, always aim for perfection.

I got transported to my younger self where I felt like I was constantly under pressure to do well, to be perfect, and to never mess up.

The environment I grew up in supported that idea. As an individual you are constantly compared to left and right without mercy. Whenever you fail, it’s just seen as a stepping stone for someone to start bragging about their life and worse, your parents will start yapping about how you’re less than others and how you should do what they have done.

But life is full of roadblocks, even in your attempt to never fail, you’re bound to fail.

I was never taught how to deal with all the feelings associated with failure, rejection, and shame. The truth is, I failed many times and that is even because I fear failure. When you’re afraid of failing, being rejected, or shamed, inaction is the temporary solution.

I was never brave enough to ask for help or things. I would rather fix it on my own or just leave it as is. The truth is, I wished someone would really help me.

I was never brave enough to actually apply to companies that I was more than qualified for just because I feared rejection. In the end, I just felt bitter about those chances.

I was never brave enough to send my writings and photographs to get evaluated by magazines I would want my work to be published in. In the end, I assumed my writings and photos were trash despite other evidence said otherwise.

I was never brave enough to show my face because I feared that I would be ashamed of my looks or appearance. In the end, I felt like I was slowly losing my own identity.

I was never brave enough to admit I failed or lost. So, I quit halfway doing whatever that actually brought me joy and never made any meaningful progress.

One of the earliest attempts to fight my fear was early this year when I talked to people about Hive and a bunch of strangers about web3 and Hive.

Most people love it but that was the fact I ignored.

I got so fixated on the few percent who found what I talked about boring because that was something they already knew. In my mind, that was a failure and I have to stop doing it altogether.

Even if I told myself that it’s OK to fail and I can always work on the feedback. For me, moving forward from it was pretty challenging. At the time, I was still tangled with my own self-limiting beliefs that failure is the end of the world.

In the end, I was just being a spectator in life and constantly feeling like I am a lazy ass motherfucker. The truth is, I am not. I was inactive and lazy because I feared that I would fail, I feared to be successful and I even feared of not winning.

Being in this situation feels like you’re constantly trapped between wanting to do something and the fear of failing in the process & I had enough.

I realized that it's not about being fearless but more about being okay with failing and failure. I think that whenever I wasn’t really afraid of just doing things, that was when I had the most fun and created more memorable experiences. Sometimes, it even takes me to places I wouldn't have expected too.

There were parts of my life when what anybody had to say didn’t really matter much for me. I listened but took very careful care in allowing them to define myself. That was the time when a criticism was more like a feedback for me to grow and seen as a learning opportunity rather than a death sentence.

So, these days I start asking different questions. Rather than constantly wanting to fix everybody's problem, this is my question now.

If I were allowed to fail, to be rejected, to be shamed, to be a cringey person what are the things I could do and have to do?

That being said, June is all about that and I shall see where life will take me.