Conversations With Smudge

As I re-remember how to HIVE and blah-g, in the midst of arguing with my printer in China without knowing the language (mad respect for people who are fluent in more than just sarcasm like yours truly here) and navigating how wrong they --meaning the printers-- are (they aren't, it's me) I was given a reminder about my very human human-ness from an emotional center I typically don't swim inside of very often. I'm struggling to find a word for it, and so I began explaining my angst to Smudge, who is indeed a good listener.

I started by letting her know that a former client who became a close friend, who recently became someone I am doing my best not to write off to the care of Hades ...commented on his Falsebook Wall that he was on the verge of publishing his book, again.

He has been "on the verge" of publishing his book (again) since I met him almost ten years ago. Honestly, it's actually a good book dedicated to revealing how the "other" good book, AKA The Bible and the organized Christian church around it, is a pile of nonsense.

Smudge wanted to know why I thought this persons book was good. She said, "...wanting to know why is a good book?" I forgot she can't read, although she and I have spent hours together as I read on the couch. From time to time I will share a particularly good paragraph with her. I explained that my husband, The Big Guy, did the editing and turned it into a readable document without being a redundant tirade of one man shouting into the wilderness about how he was terrorized by the ecumenical system.
Smudge wanted to know, "wut is ekumaniac system?" I laughed, because, that was funny. She waited patiently for me to stop chuckling. As I regained my composure, I told her that I was angry with the shouting man whose book The Big Guy edited because I'd done quite a bit for him over the years including, but not limited to hours and hours of counseling, graphic design and generally putting up with his constant looping thoughts, only to be dismissed rather rudely in a text message when I began a project in the middle of his ongoing odyssey.

Smudge said, "why you doing that?" and walked over to her water bowl. She looked up at me and reminded me it was no longer fresh. She does require fresh water twice a day.
As I rinsed out her bowl and brought it back to her I forgot what I was ranting about and she reminded me, "why you doing that with the ekumaniac man?"
"Oh, that ... "I smushed her ears and rubbed her soft belly until she drooled while purring loudly.
"I did that because I believed in his message, and I believed in his mission. Also, God told me to help him."
Smudge pondered this for a bit. I could tell she was pondering because her purr motor ramped up a bit. Finally she said, "Now you tell God to halp him becuz ekumaniac man made you sad. You needs time for more Smudge belly rubs."

This was wise. She was right. I told her so. She blinked a few times, hopped off my lap and wandered away with her weird back leggy wiggle, stopping once to look over her shoulder and finished by saying, "I luvs you, only spend times with peoples and things that thank you for fresh waters and your time for belly rubs."

Sometimes the ecumaniacs in our lives will piss us off with rude text messages that are incredibly passive aggressive because we decide that other things are more important than their projects. It happens. Smudge would advise you that you do get to have a life while being of service. Take care of yourself. It's not a crime. And that was the point, I felt like I was the criminal because I needed to take time for creating my dreams, my Tarot deck. My book. And belly rubs for Smudge. Oh, and arguing with the printer in China. Which reminds me, I need to get back to it.