Around these parts, we have been "under advisory" for about a month, and under a "shelter in place" decree for a couple of weeks now.
As homeowners, this also means that we really have no excuse for not getting various projects done around our property... because we can still do those.
The beauty of spring...
Although this is not exactly a #quarantinelife post... it is a typical example of how days go, around here...
And don't let the pretty flowers fool you:
This Post is All About SHIT!
Specifically, my project for today was doing septic tank and sewer maintenance.
Is that really post-worthy? Well, in this case I'm going to say yes... because I am sure there are quite a few home owners out there who live on properties with septic systems AND — like me — are sick and fed up with having to pay for a $250 service call when the drains start moving slowly or — DREAD! — the system starts backing up.
And, as of late, things were "moving a bit slowly" around here... which means it was time for the quarterly cleaning.
The mess lives below these access hatches in one of the small pieces of land we still keep as lawn.
First off, I gather the tools of the trade... most important of which are my ancient welder's gloves and a hose fitted with a high pressure nozzle.
Oh, and a brick. The brick is really important.
Not pictured is my personal hazmat gear... aka "clothes I don't mind burning afterwards..."
Step one is to trim back the grass/weeds around the first cover, where the main outlet from the house empties into the first-stage tank.
Now, if you feel compelled to release a bunch of testosterone and like to make lots of noise and burn fossil fuels, the overkill way calls for a power weed whacker. I used a pair of regular scissors.
So then I use the tip of the spade to pry the cover off, and...
What lies below is not pretty. That's pretty much shit we're looking at there. Along with whatever else goes down the drain — food scraps, soap, hairballs, etc.
This is pretty much proof positive that humans are filthy beasts!
The reason the drains are flowing slowly is that the sludge level is far too high. Where that yellow arrow is pointing? You're supposed to be able to see the main exit pipe from the house and dirty water flow. NOT the "Nightmare From 50,000 Fathoms."
Scary as it might look... this, however, does NOT mean your septic needs to be pumped out... but this sight is the cause of a lot of homeowners freaking out and blowing that $250 on a pumper truck service call that's actually not needed, at all.
90% of the time, the issue is that the filter between the slurry/solids tank and the brown water tank needs cleaning.
That would be that smaller cover in the background, in the top photo.
So, I trimmed back the grass and weeds on the second cover... again, using a weedwhacker is optional and probably overkill.
Underneath, is this long vertical filter that functions to keep the brown water tank... well, pretty much water. Not nearly as gross as what was behing door number one.
Anyway, it slowly gets clogged, though... and that's when your system starts flowing slowly or backs up.
GROSS experience has taught me to tie some NOT biodegradable nylon mason's twine to the filter so I don't actually have to reach in there to get this thing out.
Thankfully, I have a handy tree close by, so I can hang it up there.
If you don't have a tree handy, one of those metal hanging plant holders you stick in the ground will do, as a pretty adequate substitute.
As soon as I remove the filter, I can already hear loads of water emptying into the brown water tank. That's a good sign.
I used to worry that this sudden flood of water would put a bunch of thick goo into the second-stage filter tank, but it actually doesn't... it's a dual filter system, and the "coarse" filter that lives permanently between the two tanks does an adequate job of filtering out the "lumpy bits" for the short while the fine mesh filter has been removed for cleaning.
This is where the all-important brick comes into play!
As you probably know, when you force a lot of water through a tiny opening in a hose, that sucker whips around like a snake on hot coals. The brick weighs it down just enough that you don't have to fight it.
And end up soaking wet. Which is... well, particularly unfunny when you're doing the midwinter version of this and it's windy and a few degrees below freezing...
So, now the filter gets a thorough high-pressure hosing down. The benefit of the high pressure nozzle is not only that it's effective, but you can stand 10 feet back from the ensuing "shit spray."
Five minutes of fun with water and we're done.
"Aren't you worried about pollution... and disease?"
No, not really. Let's face it, pretty much everything grows out of shit. Of course, I'm not going to be weeding that flower bed until after the next good rain, but other than that it's not a big deal.
As an interesting adjunct to that, back when I lived in Austin, Texas, we used to buy something called "Dillo Dirt" to help things grow in the garden. It was made with — among other things — sewage sludge from one of the city's major wastewater treatment plants.
I think relatively few people realized they were fertilizing their gardens with a late-stage treated version of human poop...
So now we're ready to put the filter back in place, and make sure you attach the string to the cover, before covering back up!
Meanwhile, back at hole number 1, the shit level has already dropped by six inches. That's also good news... means no between-tank blocks.
Now comes another fun part: Backwashing the main sewer pipe to the house with the high pressure hose!
Is that really necessary, if the water is flowing? Nope... but it's good practice. The thing is, solids tend to accumulate near the end of the pipe... and sit there for a while because we don't have water constantly running. Some of that gunk adheres to the inside of the pipe and gradually builds up.
Whereas it's kind of gross, a 3-minute piece of unpleasant prevention can save you from a major (and potentially damaging) gross cleanup inside your house, if your pipes back up!
Yes, I wear protective gloves, goggles and a washable waterproof jacket for this part.
I didn't get any photos of this part of the process because doing photography in full gear while controlling a high pressure hose is... just not what I want to do!
All set up to dump hot water...
Once you've hosed out the pipe, time to drop a bunch of water into the system through the toilet closest to the main house outlet. A toilet is actually better than a bathtub or sink because you can send a greater water volume through it, quickly.
You are basically trying to create a little "tidal wave" that will flush out any remaining loose stuff.
Still sewer... but 100x better than when I started...
At this point the water running into your first tank should basically be clear and pretty clean looking, and your pipes should be running fine for another three months.
Around here, we use the solstices and equinoxes as a general reminder to clean the system.
Once you're done, you can burn your clothes (just kidding, washing them on the "sanitize" cycle on your washer does the trick!) and take a hot shower!
The hot shower also flushes the system some more with warm soapy water.
Something pretty to end on...
And there you basically have it. Maybe somebody will find this useful... and if even one person now feels brave enough to clean out their own system rather than paying for a service call? Well, then this was better than a shitpost!
Thanks for reading, and stay safe out there!
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Created at 20200405 22:18 PDT
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