Love is in the air - few words about my understanding of love

What is love really?

I am convinced that if I asked people from all over the world about the same thing, I would get a more or less similar answer: it is a special feeling that we have for people who are extremely important to us, the desire for the best for our loved ones, readiness to make great sacrifices for then, the desire to remain with them for good and for bad.

However, if you asked to whom love can be expressed or what forms it can take, the answers could be very different. Many people deny the right to love others, mostly because of a lack of knowledge or fear of the unknown.

Meanwhile, the world understands relationships in very different ways: Being born in the Middle East or certain regions of Africa, I more likely wouldn't see anything extraordinary in polygamy, granting men the right to love more than one woman. But it would probably be more difficult for me to accept that a man can love another man, which in turn would be quite obvious if I were born in Canada or Spain. In Ceylon or some islands in Oceania, polyandry, i.e. having more than one husband by a woman, is culturally accepted, and in some regions of Tibet, there is polygynandry - the creation of families consisting of several women and several men at the same time.

Social acceptance of such diverse forms of the relationship depends on where in the world we are, what culture we were brought up in, and sometimes also what religion we practice (if we practice any religion).

My family

A variety of forms of monoamorous and polyamorous, open, swinging and sexual exclusivity, same-sex and heterosexual relationships, and finally those in which partners come from different cultures or social classes (which, unfortunately, is often socially unacceptable, such as marriages of people from different castes in some regions in India or the marriage of a Catholic and a Muslim in some Arab countries) shows that there is a huge diversity in the world and it is difficult to define what is right and what is wrong. In my opinion, only relationships in which one person is harmed by another can be considered unequivocally bad. I believe you will agree with me on that matter.

My concept of love

In my opinion, love takes many forms. There is parental love that parents give to their children, there is a friendship love that makes our closest friends especially important to us, there is self-love, general love - for the world and for all creation and some would probably add to the list love for God. Finally, there is the most important one from the point of view of my publication: romantic love.

I believe that any form of mutual romantic love between adults is beautiful. Yes, culture and religion dictate some form of what it should take, but that does not mean that it is the only option, and all who have chosen otherwise should be criticized. We can talk about what is good for us, but we have no right to dictate to others how they should live and love.

I am polyamorous and gay. I am in two triads with four boyfriends in total. My relationship belongs to those that are not accepted by many people in Poland - the country I come from. By default, relationships of people in Poland are monoamorous, I have never heard of polyamory in the first 25 years of my life. Before discovering my polyamory, I was in a monogamous relationship for six years. Later, my husband and I decided to open up the relationship sexually and then emotionally. Even then, we did not know that such a phenomenon got a name and that it is common in some parts of the world.

I will write another day about how we opened our relationship and what my next relationship looked like. Today I would like to focus only on the theoretical approach to love.

Don't understand me wrong, I absolutely disagree with the notion that monoamory is bad or that my form of relationship is better than others. I believe that relationships can take a wide variety of shapes and it is an individual matter for whom is most appropriate.

However, I believe that it is worth spending a day or two to think carefully about what we expect from life and the relationship. Accepting without thinking about cultural and religious norms as they have been imposed on us is not the best solution. If for a moment we would assume that everything is possible and would consider what kind of relationship we'd feel best in, we should get an answer to the question of what we should strive for in life. If, after this in-depth analysis, we come to the conclusion that we will be best in a monoamorous, heterosexual relationship - let's look for just such a relationship. However, if we will decide differently, let's do what has to be done to be truly happy.

I've noticed that many people in my culture are monoamorous only superficially. Culture requires them to create a relationship with one person while emphasizing that love for several partners is impossible. You can see it in society, in literature, and in cinematography (all those romantic comedies where a woman is in love with two men and doesn't know who to choose ... Why couldn't she be in two relationships with both men if she sincerely loves both?).

Some people, influenced by these cultural norms, marry one partner and then ... Statistically 40% of European marriages get divorced. Often, these people still bestow some form of love on their former partners, but they fall in love all over again. If their love for their first mate has expired, divorce is perfectly legitimate, but if they still love their first mate and fall in love with someone else - why not try to discuss the polyamorous 'V' relationship with the three?

Others cheat on wives or husbands with lovers while condemning open relationships. I will never understand how betrayal, that is, behavior contrary to the rules jointly adopted by partners, can be better for some than talking and jointly establishing the rules on which extramarital sex is allowed. For me, honesty and sincerity are the basis of successful relationships, whatever form they may take.

Summary

In conclusion, I believe that a few very simple things can make our life together on this planet much easier:

considering what we personally expect from love, what form of relationship suits us best
Rethinking cultural and social norms, even if, in effect, we will agree with them
mutual respect and understanding that the world is made up of hundreds of cultures and religions that sometimes define the same concepts in a different way
treating others as we would like to be treated ourselves
being honest with the people we love. Always.

All the photos used in this article belong to me

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