Well, all my aim was just to deliver food, I can swear with anything, but well...it just turned out the way it did.
It was still in the morning, I was busy arranging things at the event center, the day is obviously a long and stressful one, but then, my aunty received a call to deliver few plates of food and small chops to one tech office in Lekki. Well, it isn't far from where we are working as well, I had to rush to make those things as my aunty was busy as well. I wore my finest apron, and did a beautiful job, when I was done I sprayed perfume all over myself, I can't afford to be smelling like a burnt offering. I carried the tray like Nigeria budget and headed out like I was going to the parliamentary.
I got to the office, and stepped in and then...I saw her.
Tall, brown skinned, dashing, curly wig and that beautiful smile,....omo, I almost lost balance.
She was sitted typing on her MacBook, she was looking radiant like a goddess. On her table was placed a small placard, I couldn't guess what the name was as it wasn't placed straight, but I guess it should be an igbo name...
Then she looked up and smiled at me and said, “Hi.”
Like you would have guessed..... that became my downfall.
I responded, *“Good afternoon, beautiful sis,” but just as if village people had followed me, they whispered to me, "speak igbo, she would be impressed.." they were pushing me to give a good first impression.
I gave in, cleared my throat and said,
“Achanwa, I bu…uhm… akpa ego na m jollo jollo nnemy soul, kai.”
Well, it was supposed to mean... *"You looking beautiful and my heart really skips while craving for you....well, that was my thought.
She had moved near me to take the tray from my hand, her hand paused as I talked and she said, “Excuse me?”
I looked down and said, “Your beauty dey totori my head nwa baby, he be like gala wey cold Fanta hold.”
She blinked twice as if trying to process what I said, at that moment I heard someone giggled.
I looked and saw about five employees now watching us like it was a movie setting. Sincerely, It actually looked like one, the way they all stood looking at us and one of the guys having popcorn in hand,....it was a movie setting.
Then she said, "What are you even saying, you know I’m Hausa, right?”
Eewweeehhhh...ah, village people, you do this one.
The place was filled with guys about my age, so, I think the decide to use me catch cruise, before I could recover, one of the tech guys shouted from across the office....
“ My G, Oya na, you be Yoruba, but you did Igbo, oya na try Hausa too...show us what you got."
Come and see my foolish and stupid self too giggling, and then I replied,
“seriki, zoo, yidonki kana de keu da moi moi.”*
I don’t know what I said, maybe I had caused, or summon an evil spirit, I can't say, but I was almost sure, that was Hausa word.
It's like the ground should just open and swallow me up, come see as everyone was laughing out loud, a lady even collapsed on the photocopy machine.
Next thing, I heard, “Who's this clown?"
The HR had come out, a lady that looks like she's.....don't let me use odd language on her sha🤪, but she was not given.
She said, “Is this the caterer we called?”
The other tech guy responded her and said, “Yes ma, I guess he's a comedian, he's been trying his best to hit on Nabila in mixed tongues.”
The HR stared at me and said, “Sir, your work is done, drop your number before going, the MD is in need of it."
I smiled and said, “For more orders?”
She looked at me and in a kind of tone that suggest she was making fun/jest of me, she said as well, “No, for stand-up comedy during our end-of-the-year party.”
I returned to the event centre, I didn't have enough time to think what had transpired during the day, as I was busy all through.
That evening, very late at night, my friend who works at the tech office message me, he wasn't even around as at the time I went there, but then he sent me some screenshot....
Guess what .....I was already trending on their office WhatsApp group. I never knew someone had been doing video then. They had even taken different pictures and turned it into stickers....
I felt somehow, how could they.....
Don’t mix languages like I did, I beg, and if it happens make sure you collect those videos and post before they do, that way , everybody would thought it to be just... cruise.
Also, never allow your hormones and your village people dictate the languageyou should speak just cause you want to leave a good impression.
Am advising you from experience😭, huhm, I know how I felt and how I do drag my legs while going there to deliver food🥹.
If you want to toast a girl, at least use your mother's tongue, English self hard, use your mother's tongue, that way, your shame will be limited to you and your tribe...
All pictures were generated using AI.
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