Anyone who knows me always says I wear my feelings on my sleeves. I try to hide my emotions especially if they’re unpleasant ones.
Unfortunately I’ve always been very expressive (I’m talking facial expressions) and dramatic so hiding my feelings is not always easy. I will admit I’m still a sensitive cry baby and it doesn’t take much to get me there.
Hey, you have five kids and try to maintain your emotions. 😜 I’m only a bigger cry baby because I’m a mother. Yes, I blame a lot of it on my kiddos from the spiked hormones of pregnancy. 😌
Lately I’ve been noticing little things that flare up my nerves or cause me to react in certain ways. I’ve figured out what those little things are...
So what are trigger words?
Trigger words and phrases are those that cause a listener to feel strong emotions because of previous experiences.
Many people refer to it as words or phrases that trigger memories and emotions from traumatic events.
Psychology & Counseling Associates ~
I can definitely attest to the traumatic part.
After my miscarriage of our twin baby four years ago I have noticed I get teary eyed at the mention of twins. It doesn’t happen all the time but if I hear the word and a happy story follows it I get extremely sad.
It literally take me back to that moment of finding out we lost him/her (we never had the chance to find out the sex of the baby) and then thoughts raid my brain about what it would have been like to have two four year olds running around the house together.
I am able to hide this one pretty well. I don’t want anyone to feel as if they can’t talk about twins around me or feel bad when they do.
I am an adult, was one before I was a wife and mother. I can make my own decisions and have the right to decline any advice.
When I feel my independence is being challenged or threatened my nerves flare and red flags go dramatically flying.
There is someone in our family that uses this phrase quite often:
What you need to do is...
Triggers popping everywhere when I hear it. 😖
So now, if anyone ever starts a sentence with what I need to do, it’s an automatic shutdown.
It would be better if it came off as a suggestion instead of a command telling me what I should do.
This example sounds less dominating:
Maybe you should consider...
Or even a question like
Have you ever thought about...?
Not too long ago I accidentally said this trigger phrase to my husband and it stopped him in his tracks...to give me a look of disgust. Ooops, my bad I forgot it triggers him too. 😬
I am now realizing just how powerful these words can be based on what you have been through.
There is a phrase said often in my household that makes my ears steam:
I’m bored
😑😑😑
This is said by my kids who have enough gadgets, toys, activities and computer gear to keep them occupied and busy for days. 🙄
It doesn’t matter how much we give them or let them do they are never satisfied.
When I hear them say they are bored it triggers irritation, annoyance, frustration and fed upness (I know that isn’t a word but it really hits the spot on how I feel).
We try to encourage them to get creative and use the things they already have to make fun memories. It makes me feel they don’t appreciate what we do for them when they always come to me with this I’m bored nonsense.
How to Deal with Trigger Words
I think I just completed the first step; knowing what my trigger words are and how they make me feel.
Believe me I’ve discovered more but for the sake of time and post length I decided to share only three.
Now that I am aware of what words enkindle my emotional reactions I should be able to handle it easier when I hear them.
Realizing that the person saying those words are not aware they trigger me will also help how I react.
The other part of that I think is to be upfront with people, especially the ones that say these phrases often, and inform them how it negatively affects me.
My kids already know how their frequent phrase makes me feel. Given the look I give them afterwards tells it all. 😁
That look also gets them to leave my presence faster. 😅
For the triggers that take me back to my past I will try my best to block it out and focus on the present. This has actually helped me when dealing with my miscarriage.
I immediately think about my son, the twin that did survive, and how blessed we are to have him along with our four other children.
For the triggers that annoy and aggravate me I am learning to change my reaction to them. Instead of reacting in an offensive upsetting way I am choosing to stay calm, smile and continue on as I was.
I know that I am well capable of making my own decisions and forming my own opinions. Even though some think they have authority over what I choose...they really don’t. Remembering this helps me overlook demanding comments and just laugh at them.
Laughing helps me keep my mouth shut and not say things I will regret later. 🥴
Do you have any trigger words or phrases? If so how have you dealt with them?
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