Mental health services are strained in the UK at the best of times and following the lockdowns, there has certainly been an increase in the number of people feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by the imposed restrictions.
Job losses are at an all-time high, people are losing their homes and lack of human communication is even taking its toll on the mentally strong.
Most people rely on the NHS to provide help for mental health issues as here in the UK those services are free. Medical Insurance is something only the wealthy seem to use, rendering private services out of reach to most of the population.
There are many self-help techniques and natural alternatives that can provide coping mechanisms and healing. It would be lovely to see that knowledge freely given to people. There are helplines, such as The Samaritans, a special helpline devoted to those people who are feeling suicidal. But I can't stop thinking that a more holistic approach is needed to help those who are struggling.
It was a cold day, late November 2020. I had taken a trip to see my friend and to collect my bicycle from her house.
It takes three trains to travel between our towns although she only lives 3 miles away from me, a river separates us which makes it a bit of a pain to travel at the best of times.
On this particular day, I experienced something that I never want to experience again.
The trains were running smoothly and I had hoped to get home in time for dinner. My eldest daughter picked the little dudes up from school and I was looking forward to cuddles and reading time with them before they went to bed.
The train should have arrived at its destination at around 5:20 pm. The final train between Manningtree and Harwich. There are five stops along the route and one of which is a beautiful place known as Wrabness. It is an area of outstanding natural beauty. A wonderful forest straddles the edge of the river and the beaches there are stunning for an English village.
Sadly though, this forest is known to be a place where many suicides have taken place. The rail line cuts through the forest and some of the bridges and high banks make it one of those places where people seem to end their lives.
On this particular train ride home, we were between Mistley and Wrabness. The train was reaching top speed when there was a loud crack. I thought the train had hit a branch...
The emergency brake brought the train to a halt. There we were,
stranded in the darkness,
wondering what had just happened.
Then the ominous news that none of us passengers on the train wanted to hear was announced by the driver.
"We are sorry for the delay, we are working to resolve the situation as soon as possible. The reason we have stopped is due to a person hit by a train. The transport police and paramedics have been notified and are on their way. We thank you for your patience and understanding at this time and will update you as soon as we have more information"
It was easy to tell that the driver was shaken up, the slight warble in his voice was a telling sign.
I could hear a group of college kids further down the car I was in, complaining about how their takeaway dinner is going to be cold, one complained he needed a cigarette. I tried not to be judgmental and understood that teenagers can be a little self-absorbed, but I was angry at them for being so selfish. I didn't want to feel angry, so I resolved to forgive them. After all, they, just as the rest of us, all wanted to get home, whatever the reasons for getting home on time may have been.
I sat on the fading, crumpled cloth seats, trying to hold the tears back, thinking about what drove this person to end their life.
Did they have a family who loved and cared about them?
What awful circumstances made them decide to want to end it all?
Perhaps it was a slightly selfish empathy as I had felt like ending my life the year before. I managed to pull myself out of it, so the reality of the situation we were in, on this train enveloped me in deep sadness. I wanted to know why this person had chosen to take their life. I felt this strange connection and my heart wept. All this while the cracking sound, echoed in my head. I don't think I will ever forget that. Even now, when I hear cracking noises, I am brought back to the memory of that evening.
The area is quite remote and I think it took around three hours before we were taken to Wrabness where a bus met us for the rest of the journey.
I feel for the driver. I later read that there is a special service for train drivers who have been involved in incidents like this. They are relieved of their duties for a period of time and offered to counsel.
I can't even begin to imagine the feelings that man went through. Not only the event but then having to explain that you just unintentionally killed a human being whilst doing your job to a bunch of people who were expecting you to get them home safely and on time. I hope he has healed from the trauma of the event.
I couldn't stop creating imaginary scenarios in my head of who this person was.
I settled with the conclusion that the person's life had been affected by Covid in some way. Perhaps the lockdown, maybe they lost their livelihood, family breakdown, maybe lost a family member?
Was their rock bottom so hard to scramble out of that this was the only option they had? Who were they leaving behind? Did they have a partner? Children? Grandchildren? Nieces or Nephews? How are those family and friends going to feel when the police go to them with the news?
What devastating chain of events will that leave behind for the family members?
I have all these unanswered questions. Wild assumptions, perhaps my own way of trying to come to terms with that day. I still am reminded of the event when I take the train and hold a thought of manifesting a good journey. Although it is a little hard to not wonder where exactly it happened, maybe that's a good thing though. The fact that it was dark that night. It still haunts me though to an extent.
It never made the news and I still have no resolve in that sense.
I understand that maybe some families wouldn't want that in the newspaper. Is it wrong of me to want to know for my own closure on the event?
I still don't know to this day, who it was or why they chose to end it all. It has certainly left me contemplating the reasons why these incidents happen and what different approaches we can take to improve people's mental health.
~ONE LOVE~
CommunityIIDiscord
