The secret to happiness in this life is simple to describe yet tricky to master. It involves control. If you see the body and mind as a vehicle, then you achieve the goal of happiness by being in control of your vehicle. Without a firm grip on the wheel, you will not attain your destination. The destination is not a place but a state of being, namely happiness. Life is a process and the destination is always within our reach since we are the drivers or controllers of this vehicle which we inhabit.
It’s common sense which we all learn via the school of hard knocks. From childhood we learn what causes happiness and what causes pain. We learn to avoid the pain while seeking out the pleasure. And naturally the parent guides the child, who is generally just a bundle of senses and desires. Without training or experience, the infantile mind is much like an animal following the instincts, of which the pleasure-seeking principle is paramount.
And this is not a bad feature to be condemned. The soul is ultimately by nature pleasure seeking. However, it takes discernment to really understand what real pleasure is and how to avoid further pain, particularly on a deeper or subtler level than that of mere survival. And this is where control comes in. The infant is taught a concept completely foreign to them, namely delayed gratification. This is something only possible with maturity. It is built upon foresight and the ability to comprehend the bigger picture.
Similarly on the path of self-realization, or even simply the path of perfection in life, the goal of happiness depends on the ability to gain control, both of the mind and of the senses. There is no way around this, nor is there any long term pleasure or happiness to be attained without a degree of self-control. You may have all the facility in the world at your fingertips, like cash in the bank, but even the richest person can only enjoy proportionate to their capacity to regulate themselves. Party all night and at dawn you will be worn out. Eat all the luxurious cuisine now and you will suffer the after effects. In other words even with all the facility and no limitations on budget, we will still be happier if we regulate our pleasure seeking, based on the limitations of our body and mind.
Of course the mind can be insatiable, but the intelligence provides discernment and insight based on experience of past attempts to indulge. Now if we look at the desire to enjoy for what it is, we will see that it is limited. Not only that but there are consequences to losing control of the senses. All of this is common sense and practical to anyone, yet it is also the foundation of happiness in this life as well as on the path of self-realization.
Control is crucial. In the spiritual tradition of the east, we see the monks dressed in saffron robes. They are known in Sanskrit as Swami or Goswami. The word “swami” means master. What are they the master of? The word “go” translates as “senses”. The Goswami is one who is master of their senses. And this is not out of a mere conservative need to be self-disciplined but actually is based on the same principle that drives anyone really – the pleasure seeking principle.
The wisdom that comes from education in the right knowledge as well as from the school of hard knocks, teaches the sincere seeker that uncontrolled pleasure seeking usually ends in suffering. The saffron robes of the Goswami also indicate celibacy. But lust is only one natural urge that requires mastery. The other is anger. In Bhagavad Gita there is a verse that explains this perfectly:
शक्नोतीहैव य: सोढुं प्राक्शरीरविमोक्षणात् ।
कामक्रोधोद्भवं वेगं स युक्त: स सुखी नर: ॥ २३ ॥
śaknotīhaiva yaḥ soḍhuṁ
prāk śarīra-vimokṣaṇāt
kāma-krodhodbhavaṁ vegaṁ
sa yuktaḥ sa sukhī naraḥ
“Before giving up this present body, if one is able to tolerate the urges of the material senses and check the force of desire and anger, he is well situated and is happy in this world.”
Bhagavad Gita As It Is chapter 5:23 translated by Swami A. C. Bhaktivedanta
This verse clearly describes the two urges that are most dangerous and which require the most control – lust and anger. Besides mastering the spiritual path, even if you merely want to be happy in this material world, you will be most successful if you are able to control the body and mind’s tendency to fall into a state of lust and anger. They will always be there, being chemically or hormonally triggered.
Also they are made into habits by repeatedly succumbing to them. This only makes them harder to control in the long run. Wisdom and experience, based on knowledge like this verse in the Gita, inspire one to make more of an effort to gain control as we mature. And this is still based on the seeking out of happiness. As the verse says, we will actually be happy according to the degree which we are able to control our lust and anger.
Nowadays our modern civilization is totally twisted and perverted by unscrupulous leaders who blatantly fuel the lower urges of lust via media and advertising. They play upon the human frailty and weakness of lust to make money out of us or keep us in illusion. Also they may not be familiar with the Gita. So we are raised from childhood to think that we will be happier if we pursue more lusty activity or express more of our anger. The reverse is actually true but our lifelong conditioning may struggle to comprehend that.
Well the text books on self-realization tell us, and my lifelong experience of over 50 years tells me clearly that happiness comes from control, not from wild abandon. And this type of control can take a lifetime to master, but if we want to be happy, then we will make the effort. How much suffering has come from the unbridled pursuit of lust? And how many times have we regretted losing our temper as anger overrides our better judgement?
I have known this Bhagavad Gita verse since my teenage years when I began studying and training on the path of self-realization, yet I have continually lost control, so I know how difficult it is to keep control of the wild horses of the mind and senses. Nevertheless the wisdom and the theory still stands that according to the degree with which we exert control to “check the force of desire and anger” as this verse says – to that degree will we experience a happy life.
Lust for sex and money are the cause of much misery. When we lack it and desire it, we feel thwarted and unhappy. And this is what leads to anger. The one is tied to the other. But when we learn how to go to the root and train ourselves to understand that we are fine without it, then we can remain happy by nipping the animal propensities in the bud before they even flare up. This is the correct use of control, based on knowledge.
You may think that free love, or free expression is your right and that it’s natural and we must be natural, and you are free to think what you wish, but the texts on self-realization say otherwise. The Dionysian concept of natural pleasure-seeking is simply a philosophy to justify unbridled and uncontrolled lust or anger. It leads to short term pleasure but long term suffering. The more you feed the fire of lust by adding fuel to it, the more insatiable it becomes and the harder it is to control. You become dragged into a habit that ends up controlling you and you lose the ability to focus on the goal, which is your own happiness.
When the objects of the lust are missing, then anger arises and happiness is lost. But by realizing the benefits of cultivating a “higher taste” we can rise above the short-sighted allure of the animal propensities. The goal is still happiness or pleasure – it’s merely the more insightful path to attaining it. Real happiness is prolonged and not dependent on the objects of the sense. It is found within and is your inherent nature already. You simply need to notice its presence by rising above the dependency on externals to feel happy.
(image pixabay)