Why BEST wasn't good ENOUGH?

When I was small, I am used to getting compared with my cousins. Among all the relatives, I am the poorest or let's say the lowest status. I experienced every early in the morning watching my mother asking her friends or neighbors outside if they can lend her money for me to have an allowance to school. When one of my cousins had her debut, I was not invited and I was in tears seeing them enjoying the party while me sneaking out from the window in a dark room. There was one mother don't want me to be a playmate of her daughter because she said I am not "rich" and I don't belong with them. These were harsh experiences from an innocent girl but all of these sum up to build confidence within me that I should work hard and escape from a life that I don't want to live for the rest of my life. I don't want to be judged with wrong judgments. I don't want people to predict my future.

My aunt offered me a part-time job to be a caretaker of her apartments. She supported me financially for my tuition fee in college. It's hard when people laugh in your dreams because they think generally and state that I will end up in the same situation as my other siblings who stopped schooling. It was difficult living with people who criticize you. I thought to myself that if I will let this kind of people intervene in my goals in life then possibly they are right I will end up like my sisters but I closed my ears from them. I did not open doors to let them drive my future. I studied harder and finally, I made it. I graduated with honors and awards in college. Instead of they should be happy, they aren't. I don't understand why there are people who strive to pull you down. Who's lazy to put trust in you. Their minds were corrupted with negativity and I want to correct them with that because it's not healthy, it's very toxic.

We people try to pretend that we are okay. We are happy but deep inside it's like we're hit with six bullets. I was able to live this way being "pretentious". Hiding your weakness will not give a hint that they will destroy you. I don't want to spread my sadness to the people around me because they will adapt it too and this can affect an individual's personality. We should learn how to control our emotions. I tried my best to look happy for others to feel happy as well. Dramas won't solve anything. It's about how you deal with the problem and cope up with it. I was hoping for a better life so I decided to went abroad. I was working in one of the best British schools in the Middle East. It's a new country, new people, and a new journey. In my four years working there, I experienced discrimination. Inequality was so evident. My profession was degraded because they see me as a regular employee. It's sad in reality when they don't look at your professionalism yet focusing on leveling and categorizing you of where you belong according to their views.

There are many scenarios in life to mention but I wanted to share some only on how I invest effort and time but counted as useless from their eyes. I am not financially stable, but when you need a helping hand I am one call away. People may find me a bit strict or compared me to an army in my action, I do hope they will get my point. It's my way of disciplining someone to avoid laziness and be productive. I can offer you a sleepless talk ready to listen to your problems and bring you to a good pathway in life. My intentions are good because I want to help people in my own simple way but there are people who see you just like a tip from the pen. They released painful words if I commit a single mistake. Like, hello? we are not perfect, people can't maintain a life living always in good.

Can you imagine when you thought you had enough, but for them it's doesn't fill the cup. Do you get what I mean? It was easy for them to tell us that we did not make it, it does not satisfy them, they are trying to pressure us of what they expect but please let's provide consideration and learn to appreciate. Instead of complaining or leaving a comment, why not encourage and motivate someone. It can be a brilliant idea.