In the ecoTrain community the question was asked this week:
What do we fear? Why do we fear?
And I have a slightly different answer than you might expect.
[While this is my entry into the ecoTrain QOTW contest 8.7 I really wanted to make the post as useful and relevant as possible. So if you have experienced something scary and you really want to be less afraid and more confident, then my intention is that this post will actually be helpful.]
One of the things I do as part of my professional work (outside of playing on Hive is) I support clients to understand themselves using their birth information and what that can tell us about them.
The system or tool I use for this part of my work is called "Human Design" and it tells us about the 'nature' (rather than the 'nurture') part of our personality.
When I enter a clients' birth data into the Human Design software, it creates a chart which is essentially a pictorial representation of that person and who they were born to be.
And immediately I can see the things they most likely fear, every day, like it's an engrained part of their very being.
There are 7 main fears that Human Design teaches us that we, as humans are designed to experience:
- Fear of being inadequate or not good enough
- Fear of the future or the unknown
- Fear of the past repeating itself
- Fear of failing our responsibilities (related to family)
- Fear of failure (in relation to work or business or money)
- Fear that life has no meaning or that you'll die without making your life meaningful, and
- Fear that you aren't perfect or won't get something right
All of us will experience these fears from time to time; as the planets move (and affect us) and as we share space with different people and their energy field (aura) impacts ours. But almost everyone is designed to experience at least one of these regularly, and a tiny number of people will experience all of them, running in the background, all the time.
The key with these fears is to know they're not going away and to do as Susan Jeffers talks about in her book (by the same name), "Feel the fear and do it anyway."
That is, acknowledge it's there but push through it. Because once you break through these fears and you take action (which is what ecoTrain is trying to help us do; take action to change the world and make it a better place) then the fear suddenly disappears. Well, for the time being at least ;)
Now, they are the existential fears we are designed with, at least, as Human Design teaches us.
There are, of course, the inbuilt fears that all humans seem to have - things that kept our ancestors alive - like a fear of falling, a fear of loud noises and a fear of snakes, amongst others. It's fair to put these in the "designed to fear" category since we came, ready made as babies, with these fears.
But there are also the fears we've been taught or 'nurtured' to fear. These may be different in different parts of the world depending on the things that can or do actively threaten the well being of a human.
For example, in Australia we have animals that are extremely deadly that people from other cultures might just think were beautiful or interesting and not realise their touch is poisonous, like our box jellyfish. And a small child from Australia might see a polar bear in the Artic Circle and just think it's a big cute teddy bear.
Some fears are learned, and relevant for a particular area, so therefore they are learned for good reason!
But there are other things that people from many, many cultures around the world are taught to fear that probably do not need to be feared. For example, evidence suggests that newborn babies can already swim and, if regularly dunked underwater from birth, they have no reason to fear water. (Please don't try this at home without learning more from an expert!). Yet adults who don't realise this (which, let's be honest, are the majority) will teach their own children to fear water thinking it might one day save their lives.
The list of things we can be taught to fear are endless. But the good news is that if you can identify the fact that you learned a fear from a parent or other (big) human then you can unlearn it too!
My favourite tool for unlearning fears is EFT tapping. But that's probably another whole post for another day. (You can Google it if you're curious; there are truckloads of free resources online to get you started on unlearning those fears).
But before I wrap up, let me discuss the last way that we can learn a fear that we have to put in the 'nurture' category (as opposed to nature) because they are things that happen in our lifetime. They are fears borne out of traumatic events.
Example: We don't need to be afraid of other cars on the road. In theory, they're driving to try and get from A to B, just like you. And you can expect them to mostly follow whatever are the local road rules.
However, if you've been in a car accident or you've seen a lot of car accidents in person or in movies then your brain will have learned, "Cars are dangerous. I have to be a little bit (or a lot) afraid when I'm on the road, because that fear will help me stay alert and safe."
Traumatic events teach our brain to look out for things that went wrong in the past so that we can watch out of them in future.
If that sounds familiar, then you've been paying attention, because that is fear #3 from the list at the top of this post. We are designed to be afraid of the past repeating itself. This, like all the other fears, is designed to help us.
It's just when our lives get totally overwhelmed by those fears that the fears themselves can make our lives worse, rather than better.
So if you have experienced anything traumatic recently (whether you are one of our fellow Hiveans who experienced Typhoon Odette last week or you're someone who is struggling badly with Covid-related restrictions or you've had anything else that's been really hard for you that feels like it's overwhelmed your capacity to cope, then here is my suggestion to help you move out of that fear and into a space where you feel a bit better and can make better decisions:
It might be that you see a flower in your garden that survived the typhoon and that makes you smile. Stay with that smile, that happy feeling as long as you possibly can and let that feeling spread through your whole body.
It might be that you started sending actual, real letters to your family members because the Covid restrictions are stopping you from seeing them. And in the process you remember that you love writing letters! Let that happy, love-filled feeling fill your body and let it linger as long as you can.
Or it might be that, in amongst that awfully hard time you're having, that you suddenly see something hilarious, that makes you laugh, and out of the blue, you just feel lighter, like for one moment there's no problem. Pause. Feel that laughter, that light feeling, that good feeling. Let it be there. Let it fill you, fuel you, feed you.
You're allowed to feel good, even for brief moments, even in the middle of a natural disaster or a seemingly unending pandemic. And actually, that is what is going to help you to not become over run by your fears. That is what is going to help you recover.
Find the good and let it grow. Every day.
Source: @indayclara's beautiful post about her experience of living through Typhoon Odette
If you'd like to help out those people who have experienced a lot of fear and overwhelm in the Philippines with the recent typhoon and you don't know what to do, click on Clara's post (linked above) and send her some Hive/money/upvotes/love ❤️