Dear Ones,
Do you feel that certain aspects of your life are blocked? Does everything seem to be a struggle and nothing seems to work out as you desire? Well That has been my experience of things for the past year and a half, and beyond. I have been scratching my head at times trying to understand why my flow of abundance and opportunity was so stifled. I have had constant challenges and conflicts with most of the people i have had interactions with, I have been ignored and disrespected by so many people. My work had also almost totally dried up, and no one seemed to call me anymore. i have felt SO alone and so unable to make it change despite all my efforts.
Yesterday was one of the most profound days of my life, not just because of the cascade of events that took place, but also because of the reasons they happend. I want to share this personal story with you because i believe that understanding how the universe works and responds is SO relevant to all of us who are on the journey of healing and magic.
Yesterday it ALL changed, just after i finally managed to show up and do the inner work, own my part in the game of life, and to simply let go and release all those tears and understand and accept my wounding.
I am sharing this because the cascade of events did not relent yesterday, and by the end of the day i had received SO many blessings that i was humbled and speechless. It takes a lot to make me feel that way.
Here is what happened.
Two weeks ago i finally took the step of getting help with a therapist to help me understand my most core wounding. That step has been a long time coming and it initiated several processes that have resulted in me being where I am now.
I havent spoken with my mother for around 10 years, but after my first session of therapy i had a feeling that I wanted to reach out to her to ask her about certain things relating to my first year of my life that i knew nothing about. Normally my mother does not like to talk about these things, and she is also very defensive and unwilling to talk about such things. Fortunately i have some experience with NVC (non violent communication) and so i was able to ask her if she would be willing to share with me what actually happened. I told her i felt broken and i needed to finally know what happend to me so i can heal. It wasn't about blame, it was about understanding.
Her response was immediate and very positive. She said YES, she would not only be happy to talk with me about it, but also she said she would tell me EVERYTHING. Not long after we had a video chat for around three hours. During that time she did indeed share with me everything that happened, and the insights she gave me helped me to understand myself and my wounding in a way i had never before managed to know. Amazingly she also took full responsibility and was even able to gift me with a heartfelt apology. It was amazing. It is hard to describe the sense of relief that i felt after learning this.. finally the way i have felt and experienced life all made perfect sense.
A couple of weeks later I decided that i also wanted to connect with my first wife Isis. She lives in Spain and i live close enough that I could fly from Portugal to Spain to see her. Isis was very resistant to this meeting, partly because she is also dealing with so much intensity, conflict and emotion that she really had NO space to deal with me, or what she feared would be me continuing to act out my wounding. She Was totally out of juice! Nevertheless i reassured her as best i could that it would be OK, and that i just wanted to see her and meet her because i felt that i have so many pieces of myself and my wounding still unresolved. Since we havent connected for 15 years neither of us were sure of how this would pan out, but thankfully she agreed..
I arrived in Granada Spain 6 days ago and on the second day we finally met. It was very very hard at first, and both of us were pretty petrified and overwhelmed with the intensity of our unresolved emotions. That first meeting lasted 7 hours. We spoke non stop for the entire time and covered a huge range of issues and topics relating to our life together and the challenges we faced.
In the past i have often been quite defensive, feeling that she never understood my feelings and also i felt that she was quite unfair to me. THis time somehow everything was different. Perhaps its because this time i REALLY wanted to heal, i really wanted to understand my part in this. I was able to listen, take her criticism and truly own it.. and not only that but to own it without feeling small or collapsing in on myself. Instead i felt relief and even joy and finally being able to understand what she felt.
I also had some Very important questions that have sat in my heart like a lead weight. There was a misunderstanding somewhere that caused me to doubt whether what we had was even true, or real. That feeling brought up intense emotions, and i was crying and even sobbing most of the day after our first talk just thinking about it. That emotional release was so powerful because i think it helped me to be able to let go of my story so that the next time we met i was able to ask her about it. She was quite angry at first as she tried to explain and answer my question. She shared so much about WHY it was so hard with me, and all i wanted to do was listen and understand. I had no desire to justify myself or anything. My desire to heal and move on was more powerful than my ego, and because of that .. for the first time i was truly able to hear her and understand why she felt so intensely challenged by our relationship. I was also able to gift her with a sincere and heart felt apology.
By the end of our second meeting i felt like i had given her a wonderful gift, as well as my self of course! She finally got the recognition and understanding she so desperately wanted, and i was able to then help her understand why she had manifested this, and was in fact continuing to manifest this with other men. After that meeting she also made a big decision to show the universe that she wanted something else.. by making different choices with a man she was in a big conflict with.
This is when the magic started, and the universe showed me in no uncertain terms that.. when you show up and do the work.. your life can change so dramatically.. and in just one day!
Yesterday the following things happend, one after the other, pretty much until i finally managed to go to bed.
I have been trying to sell the land i own in Portugal and move on. I had been trying to advertise it on a property website but it was not going well and they kept messing everything up.. It felt blocked. Suddenly i had the idea of simple posting the same advert myself on a Facebook group. Where do our ideas and inspirations come from i do not know, but i do find it interesting how our minds can suddenly decide give us the right ideas. The response to this advert was breathtaking. Within just 20 minutes i had around 4 people ready to buy it all. One of those people was a dear old friend who suddenly decided he wanted to come to live where i am. The result...not only is he buying it all, but also said he's happy for me to continue to live there if i like as well!
I also have a 4x4 jeep that has been a huge problem for me because the seller basically scammed me and had not followed through with the purchase and has not put the vehicle in my name. That meant that i do not legally own it, and i have been fighting him for months to try to resolve it so i can sell it. Nevertheless, one lady spotted this Jeep in my post about the property and was very keen to buy it. I explained the whole situation and she was OK with it, she was still happy to buy it and try to resolved the issue herself. Wow, what luck!
Yesterday 4 women got in touch with me, totally randomly and out of the blue. ALL of them seemed to be inviting me to visit them and spend some time with them,, FINALLY! I have been trying to connect with them all for over a year but until yesterday they all seemed to ignore me or didn't want to connect. Suddenly i had invitations to India, Thailand, England, and Portugal. I did nothing to prompt this, they suddenly just all got in touch with me out of the blue!
I am a web developer since many years, but lately i have been working very minimally on web projects. I had one long term client left that i liked to work with, but he hadn't been in touch with me for the best part of year. Suddenly he called and gave me work!
There is more, but suffice is to say that my phone just kept pinging me all day long with non stop opportunity and abundance. It was like a river flowing all by itself. I just had to sit back and wait for the next miracle to present itself. It really was like watching magic happen.. how the universe responds and delivers when we are ready.
I believe this is a kind of magic. It is a great lesson to me, and so powerful that i really want to share it with you all. What i realised yesterday is that 'doing the work' is the most important thing we can do. I learned that there is no point in pushing against resistance if life not working. I realised that instead we have to look within and just be willing to do the work, and to own our part in what we have manifested. If we are open and sincere we can open ourselves up to real true miraculous changes in our lives.
Today i suddenly have more opportunity and abundance than i know what to do with. Now instead of battling against 100 things that are not working, i am left with a very different problem... what do i want to do next!.. suddenly all my problems have been solved!!
I wish you all the most magical journey of life, and hope that my story can give you hope that when you do the same you will also discover how the universe will bless you and respond!
Hari Om Tat Sat.