What a question to ask. How do I feel in this moment? It's not a simple good/bad answer either. It seems like a simple question to answer but it's much harder to describe my feelings in the now, than to do a lot of other things. At least for me.
But I'll try anyway...
That feeling between rushing to get things done, and going insane
Yup. That's where we're at right now. I'm getting to the point where I feel I'm doing too much, not enough, and not fast enough. All at the same time.
So we're moving to Mexico. That in itself is a reason for stress. Although I have my intentions set, and I know that things will happen when they need to happen.
It's just very hard to surrender to it and let the universe lead me.
When I travel, or plan to, things go wrong. I've learned since these past few years (when our trip to Thailand went beautifully, without too much craziness) that I need to leave the bad experiences behind, and focus on the new. If I expect things to go wrong, they absolutely will. So this time, I am manifesting smooth sailings, just like then, and it makes me a bit calmer.
Of course, there is always this little voice in the back of my head that tells me I'm going to mess things up.
So, first things first. I lost my job two weeks ago. Well, not exactly. The company I work for (self-employed) told us two weeks ago that they're quitting the business and closing our department. Turns out, they had a 119 million Euro loss last year. It didn't matter that the years before that, they usually took home 110 million or more in profits. Of course not, they're a corporation. Their share holders don't give a damn about the people that make them the money so it's easy to discard them.
It's all about money after all. I should have known better but hey, it was good while it lasted.
Since our department ceased it's activities instantly, I had to call a few of my customers and tell them the bad news. One of them got really upset, and rightfully so, I was too. He got a bit angry. But that was OK, I knew it wasn't aimed at me.
The next day he called me to apologize, and he told me he felt bad for me, losing my job. I told him that yes, the day before I was upset, but now I felt fine. Where one door closes, another opens.
That same day, a friend of mine tagged me in a post on Facebook. This company was looking for Dutch speaking staff. I sent in my resume, and within ten minutes I had a reply. Less than a week later I was hired. The good part: It's fully remote work.
The bad part: the company wants their staff to be physically in Ireland.
Hey, nothing a good VPN can't fix!
So now I am starting my training next week, the 8th. Training ends the 18th, and this was exactly the date I had mapped out for traveling to Mexico.
Yeah...going well. However, with this job, I'll have less to worry about and it's only temporary. Just until we get on our feet and I get things going business wise.
I have a few ideas...
Anyway. Back to how I feel right now. Yes. Not very good. I feel stressed because things are getting postponed. I want us out of here way before the next lockdown.
It's been enough, and we can't take any more of that.
Plus, they're going a bit overboard in Europe. I knew we'd be damned with their damn Europe.
So then there was the matter of 4 passports that still needed sorting, and me waiting on birth certs that took more than 2 weeks to get here. I'm not getting an appointment for the passports till the week of the 21st. Three days after our planned travel dates. Add 2 to 3 weeks for the passports to arrive, and we're in the 2nd week of July...
So how do I feel right now?
Does this picture give a good indication?
What is it? Despair? Frustration? Stress?
The thing with the new job. The passports, and the fact that my crypto holdings aren't where I want them to be... Something that should pay for most of our trip... Not the way I planned it but at least it's something. Better than nothing. Everything will happen the way it's supposed to.
I'll just keep breathing. Try to meditate more. Try to keep calm.
Breathe in - Breathe out - Repeat.
Thank you for reading!
