When I was younger, I was fascinated by those books that interpreted your dreams. I wanted to understand what my mind/soul was trying to communicate with me, to understand the journey that I was under taking. To be honest, I had no idea what was happening to me when I was dreaming, where I was travelling to or what my dreams meant.
I can't say that much has changed. I'm still not really sure where I go to, each night.
It doesn't help that most of the books I read, seem to interpret our dreams differently. In the end I gave up reading them, because like everything in life, all things affect us differently. So how could I really take someone else's understanding as my own! Surely it is up to me, to figure out my own dreams. A journey I need to undertake myself.
When I was a child, I suffered a lot with nightmares. Some were recurring, like the one where these hideous creatures, with their skin hanging off, were always chasing me. They never caught me, but the chase was terrifying and I always woke up so upset. I went through a period of being too scared to sleep, reading late into the night, until I finally fell asleep from exhaustion.
That turned into a fear of the dark and for a while, I was even too sacred to be outside by myself at night. Imaging that those creatures were lurking in the shadows, waiting to pounce on me. Any sudden noises made me jump and I always had to check my room before I went to bed, to make sure they were not in there.
My nightmares were becoming a reality, but really, they were projecting the fear I felt in my life. Growing up in a home, that I did not feel safe in. One that I just couldn't get away from, so I felt trapped. Hence why I was being chased and no matter where I went they would follow me, no where felt safe. I suffered with a lot of anxiety during my younger years, harnessing such a nervous energy, until I could escape to my sanctuary in nature. But only during the day, when night fell, I felt very vulnerable.
Those dreams started to fizzle out, when I left home, because suddenly, I had the courage to move away and begin a new chapter in my life, allowing me to finally feel more secure. But I still had many insecurities, so instead of dreaming of external forces, I dreamt of myself, losing my teeth and my hair. Waking up half expecting to find my pillow full of both of those things. Sometimes, I would put my finger into my mouth just to check that all my teeth were still there.
It's funny how I remember the bad dreams and not the good ones. I'm trying to remember some now, but all I can think of, are those that left me shaken. I know that I did dream of fairies quite a bit as a child, convincing myself that they would visit me at night to keep me safe. The ying to my hideous monsters. Finding that balance within my sleep.
The older I became, my dreams turned more positive. Changing as my confidence and sense of security grew. Our dreams are a reflection of what is happening in our lives,with each insecurity magnified and animated. Emotions that we have left unattended or buried deep, they tend to resurface in our dreams. That's why I believe it's more about how you feel when you are dreaming, more than what you are dreaming about!
With everything that is happening at the moment, I have had a few dreams where I have lost my girls. The most recent one I had, was where we were all at a festival and I also had Freya our canine companion with us. I remember looking for her and seeing her run off in the distance. I asked some friends to keep an eye on my girls, whilst I went to find Freya. I ran after her, always just catching glimpses of her as she disappeared around a corner again.
Suddenly I realized that I had run a long way and that I really should go back to the girls, to make sure that they were okay. I kept calling Freya and eventually she came back to me, but when I returned to the festival, my girls were gone. I felt so terrified and helpless.
I woke up covered in sweat and in a panic, but soon settled when I heard all my girls sleeping close to me. I know exactly where those feelings of terror and helplessness come from, from this agenda that they are trying to push on us. This drive to vaccinate us all, it really has me worrying a lot for my girls and the world that they are trying to create.
But that has not happened and it is not my reality, instead it is something that is at the back of my mind, that niggles at me every now and again and so it pops into my dreams.
Our dreams are there to guide us, to help us deal with our shit and also to help propel us on our path. Helping us to work out all that we keep stacked up within. We need to feel, to release all of our emotions and our dreams can help us do so. They are a reflection of our state of mind.
But there is another purpose to them as well, a way in which to connect with all sides of ourselves and also to connect with others in a very powerful and intimate way. Twice now, I have had the same dream as someone else, an affirmation to our connection in life. Sometimes, when we are shut off to certain signals, they can come to us in our dreams, to reawaken all of our senses!
I really believe that life is a journey back to ourselves, to reconnect with our authentic self and from there we can transform. Our dreams, well they are a tool, a way for us to make a deeper connection, they are for me anyhow. But as I said earlier, we are all different and who knows what they mean to you?
I leave you with this song, this is where my dreams take me now, as I let go of what has been and am ready to embrace what has now begun!
