The thing with parenting is that there are no manuals and you basically just learn on the job.
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Infact parenting tells more about you the parent than the child. Everything the child knows at that tender stage is a reflection of the parents. That’s why it’s important for one to be mentally and emotionally stable before dabbling into parenting.
Children are more of doing as I do than as I say.
Another thing is that, a child is a combination of different traits, from different relatives that share the same blood tie.
ONE
That is why as a parent, you must be VIGILANT and RECEPTIVE during their early stage of character formation.
The moment you start over looking certain actions of a child because they are still tender? They will grow with it and it becomes a problem because actions mutate to character.
When my sister’s baby started schooling, it was war. The child basically didn’t want to be in school.
It started from crying, to him falling sick, and to my sister keeping him at home because she could not bare to see him under such conditions.
When I got informed, I told her to better dress up that child and take him to school. By now, he was already 3weeks behind his peers. It was a battle but my sister finally gave in.
When he finally started schooling, he would not sleep althrough the night, by 6am that’s when he would start sleeping…. lol, I know my methods can be a bit harsh, but when I called my sister one day by almost 8am and she told me the boy is still sleeping I wanted to run mad. I told her to wake him up and get him ready for school immediately.
At first, my sister protested that let him just sleep, tomorrow he would go because he did not sleep all through the night. I told her he needs to be in school because that boy knows what he is doing. You keep indulging him, it becomes his character and getting him interested in education becomes a problem.
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My sister did take him to school and today the boy is always the first to be up, he even wake up my sister. After school preparations, he picks up his bag and lunch box and the moment he gets to school, he is telling my sister bye and rushing to join his peers.
TWO
A parent must be UNDERSTANDING,
you need to understand your child to know what right parenting tool to adopt.
My mom is the one who spends most of the time with my daughter as I get too busy with work now. Since my daughter was born, she has never really had to be among her peers. It’s always with me and other adult relatives.
So imagine her excitement when we moved back home and got to meet my neighbor’s son.
She would always invite him over for them to play, but then the boy is too somehow you know.
The other day he came to play, he was taking my daughter to the bathroom and my mom caught them when he was asking her take off her clothes.
According to him, it’s what his daddy does with the random girls that comes after his mother goes to work.
I was upset when I got to know and I banned him from having any form of contact with my daughter. I also restricted my daughter from going out to meet him.
So what she does is to stay by the window and be calling out to him. When my mom told me I was pissed but didn't directly act on it I just warned her but she did not listen.
The next day, she repeated the same thing and I got so angry that I gave her some good spanking. But after crying she forgot the pain and continued with this boy.
The boy will be outside while she will be by the window inside talking with him. It took me two beating of my child and a complain to my friend to realize where the error lies.
As I was sending the voice note of my complaint, it started playing in my head how wrong my actions where. Right there and then, I realized that my child is just lonely and needed company her age which is something beating will not solve but worsen.
THREE
A parent must know how to COMMUNICATE. Sometimes we forget she’s a baby and expect her to act some certain way. So I got home from work, called her and spoke to her.
I told her that, "I understand you need a friend and that it gets boring being with adults. But I don't like the character of your friend and his company is bad for you, reason I don’t want you near him." She said ok mommy, as she listened with wrapped attention.
Next, I promised her that after school everyday, grandma will be taking her to my sister’s place to meet with her Cousin and she was super excited. That marked the end of her communicating with my neighbour’s child. She practically ignores him now.
In summary, when parents are vigilant and receptive, they are able to identify the problem before it sticks.
When they are understanding, they know the right approach to tackling the problem and when they have good communication skills, they are able to relate with their child effectively and have them actually listen and obey.
Trust me, such children won’t be growing up to become societal problem.