So I lost my mojo a couple of weeks go and have been looking everywhere for it.
My room, my head, my bed, my apt, my computer and it's now where to be found.
It must be outside, but I just can't face the thought of stepping out my front door even though I know, that that is the absolute best thing to do to find it and get it back.
A simple walk in the fresh (very fresh brrr) air to clean the cobwebs out of my hair and my head...
And that's what I told myself all day, while I curled up in bed, under my doona having a dive, looking for my mojo there instead.
And although I have come on to the Hive every night and have been the brightest of bright and the chirpiest of chirp, it has been a major struggle and today has been the worst- even though it was meant to be the best- cause it was a Monday and I love getting back on the wagon on Mondays- it like a fresh start, but nope, t'was not meant to be...
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But thinking back on the post that @brittandjosie wrote last night in response to having inspiration her @brittandjosie/hive-when-you-have-no-inspiration and my comment to her below, I realised that the reason why I have been still able to turn up to Hive every night, is because I am motivated to, by the people here, that inspire me.😃
I am motivated to Hive on, cause I don't want to let anyone down- especially myself.
And when I think about how down I feel and realise that I've got nothing to worry about, I am really one of the lucky ones, I am inspired to Hive on, because YOU all inspire me to get Hive on and get on with life. 😃
And then when I do appear, I am inspired by everyone even more, which gives me the motivation to stay to engage, instead of just writing my one post and then vegging out to Netflix afterwards- which is actually the ONLY thing that my brain has wanted to do every night.....😐
And I have even been going to bed really early because I've felt just so tired and cranky and just feeling over it. 😣
Last night I went to bed at 11.30pm and I haven't done that since I was in kindergarten. Still didn't get to sleep till 5.30am, but atleast I tried...🙄
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So here I am, I turned up and I'm not wanting any sympathy or anything at all-there's no point to that just letting you guys know how much I appreciate you all and the Hive for bringing us together. 🙏
I am incredibly grateful to have you all- especially since I've only been here for 3 months and you guys hardly know me. And the funny thing is, I would never EVER write something like this on FB to my IRL friends that I've known for 20+yrs....weird eh.
And it's been damn hard to write this. Actually not hard to write it, but to hit that publish button...to have my private moments, my deepest thoughts and darkest moments become public, cause that's not usually me. Me is a Scorpio woman with a bit of Aries and Pisces too and likes to keep stuff in the dark as much as I love the dark....
And please know that although I do have a few 'introspective days' here and there, I am usually strong enough to listen to my own advice and after a good slap around the face to wake myself up and a big kick up the arse to get myself into gear- metaphorically speaking ofcourse...I always overcome.
But then maybe that's why today I had that Doona dive. Maybe I needed it because I always do overcome....
Inspiration can be found everywhere, in everything, even in the form of something so natural and so simple as a breath.
Being able to breathe and when you have Sleep Apnoea and your body forgets to breathe naturally- even when you're awake, then that is even more inspiration to take notice of it, to think about it, to find out more about it.
To me, saying that you have no inspiration is the start of saying that, it is what is it- a phrase that is used far, far too often and which is right next to, it's too hard, I give up.
Now (I think that) a lack of motivation is different though and some people may not be able to differ between the 2.
I have had no motivation the last couple of weeks. (I ashamedly haven't even done my daily dancing....)
After 7 months of being in lockdown, Giving up 100% of fats and 95% of sugar (only have my sugar in my fruit for breakfast) dancing and exercising every day without losing any weight whatsoever (and even putting a few kilos on in the last couple of weeks too....), plus editing on my 11 yr old computer about 12 hours everyday, constantly watching tutorial and self educating, writing, photography and so many other things that I have been doing to be pro-active and progressive so I'll be able to get out of this lockdown with something solid and better to jump into (other than my retail job in an opshop), I've been getting nowhere- literally and figuratively and even I, the most positive, pro-active and happiest person in the world- I have lost my mojo.
And it really has been a struggle to get into the hive (hence my little amount of effort here lately), but I have still been inspired to write about things- even if it is in my obligatory one post a night in the #IAmAliveChallenge- which is a great thing to have that imagined obligation
But then in being on the Hive, even if it's for a few hours a night...maybe that my unconscious excuse not to be doing the things that I really need to do.
Maybe even though I have no motivation, I still have to do something, so maybe the hive is the easiest thing for me to do on the list of things I need to do....
So maybe it's that for some people too, not having the actual motivation to write about what really inspires them....the dark mask that covers their sight, mashes all of the thoughts and plans into one out of focus, web like, black cloud and puts a heavy weight on their entire being......
Or maybe I'm getting them confused. Maybe I have the motivation but lack the ....Oh I don't know....
Damn! Now I'm confused!!! lol...🙃🤣
The image above is a RF/CF stencil from a colouring book that I did a lot of digital manipulation to to get it looking like that.
And unless otherwise stated- ALL photographs are my originals taken by me sometime in the past decade or so somewhere in my travels and as such, ofcourse they are subject to all international IP and copyright laws and I may have already used them for my own commercial purposes here https://www.redbubble.com/people/CHOCOLATESCORPI/shop And here https://fineartamerica.com/art/chocolatescorpi, So please ask first if you want to use any of them thank you 😀
❤️❤️❤️❤️All love and support from you in whatever way is greatly appreciated!❤️❤️❤️❤️
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