The journey of life often reflects the progression of seasons, and within those seasons, certain days stand out. For me, Christmas has always been a day that marks the passing of time, bringing with it a unique blend of joy, reflection, and change. As I sit at the window, gazing at the dark, cloudy sky, I'm reminded of how Christmas evolved in my life, from the limitless joy of childhood to a calmer, more reflective celebration in adulthood. Perhaps this transition captures the heart of the holiday: not static, but ever-changing.
Christmas in My Homeland
My homeland, Sarawak (Borneo), has always celebrated Christmas differently than the West. Growing up, gift-giving was never a big part of the holiday. Instead, our customs revolved around family, community, and faith. We still had a fake Christmas tree, which we put up at the start of Advent, and I recall the simple joy of decorating it with ornaments and tinsel. But the true spirit of Christmas resided beyond the decorations.
Christmas morning with my sister and cousins, 1984.
Church carolers led the tradition of house-to-house caroling during our celebration. This joyful activity filled the weeks of Advent and culminated on Christmas Day. On either Christmas Eve or early Christmas morning, families dressed up for the Christmas church service. Following the service, the focus switched to family gatherings, where we shared meals and laughter, exemplifying the spirit of community. Another beloved custom was "ngabang," in which we visited friends and family to celebrate the season in their houses. As you can see, tangible gift-giving was not a big component of our Christmas. Instead, the emphasis was on spending time with loved ones and reveling in the joy of the season.
Adulthood and the Layers of Christmas
As I grew older, the practice of gift-giving began to surface subtly at the church where our family attends. Despite being fully optional, it imposed a social expectation that could feel stressful at times. I admit that I sometimes feel pressured to return such gestures, even if it's not something I'm very comfortable doing. Still, for me, Christmas has always been about connections and reflection, rather than physical gifts.
Now, Christmas is less about the external trappings and more about the intangible gifts it provides - a brief respite in an otherwise frenetic year, an opportunity to reflect, reconnect, and readjust. The holiday has become a mirror, showing not only moments of delight but also areas where joy is missing, prompting me to recognize and cherish both.
The Quiet Side of Christmas
In this quieter time around Christmas, I've noticed something I'd previously overlooked: the solitude that typically comes with the season. The tidal wave of festivities does not engulf everyone. Some people view Christmas as a time of longing, loneliness, or simply another day. It's a reality I didn't understand as a child, when everything seemed to revolve around my small circle of family and friends.
My family and I now live in Kuala Lumpur, far away from our immediate family and relatives, so Christmas has taken on a calmer tone. Though we have friends here whose presence I greatly value, the feeling is undoubtedly different than celebrating the season with biological family. In these years away from our homeland, I've found peace in isolation, giving me the opportunity to concentrate on the genuine meaning of the season. It's time to list my blessings—my family, friends, and the numerous ways God has blessed my life. It's also a time to remember those I've lost.
Just last night, I learned that an ex-schoolmate who had been suffering illness had died. Reflecting on him, I realized the fragility of life. For all of its festiveness, this season frequently contains a duality: joy mixed with remembrance. Even after losing someone, we can be grateful for our memories, love, and lessons.
Finding Balance
As I consider the evolution of Christmas in my own life, I find myself looking for balance. How do we maintain the magic without clinging to illusions? How can we embrace silence without being depressed? Perhaps the solution lies in embracing Christmas as it truly is: a dynamic blend of joy and reflection, connection and solitude.
For me, this balance has come in little, conscious acts, such as handwritten cards, a shared dinner, or the silent ritual of lighting a candle for those who are no longer with us. It's in the stories we tell and the silences we cherish. It is in realizing that Christmas is more than just a day; it is a spirit that can be carried forward, altered, and reimagined.
A Season of Change
Finally, Christmas is a metaphor for life. It is an ongoing story. What it meant to me as a youngster does not mean the same thing to me now, and what it means will definitely change in the coming years. But that, I believe, is its timeless gift: the ability to develop alongside us, to adapt to our joys and losses, richness and scarcity.
Tomorrow, as the entire world awakens to the warm glow of Christmas morning, I shall carry these thoughts with me. I'll remember the child who believed in magic, the grownup who discovered meaning in silence, and the person I'm still becoming. And in the stillness, amid the lights and laughter, I will discover my Christmas; not perfect, not static, but delightfully, authentically mine.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from my family to yours! 🎉🎄🥂⛪️☃️🎅🎇
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