Huhm, if, Just if my life were a Netflix series, what would the title be, after giving it a lot of thought, people like us who happen to have gone through a lot in life even at a very young age find it hard to really pinpoint a thing, my personal life would do well for a lot of netflix movie, but for now, I don't want to think so deep or be hsrd on myself, lets go for....Healed Enough to Hurt Again.
That's the netflix series title, mere seeing the title, it suggest sadness right, well it's not really about sadness, it’s about survival, hope, softness and strength, all in one fragile/simple body, that body that refused to break even when it cracked and experienced storm.
Well, am a believer, and even till now, I am one, I grew up believing that if I pray hard enough, loved wholeheartedly and fought more harder I would be at a place where pain would strive its best to catch up with me.
If we are to talk about prayer, I really did pray, even before knowing I would be going through a thing, I went on fastings, mountains and all to pray, with that, I never even thought I could experience half of what I experienced, I am the type who give and love wholeheartedly, so I never even thought I would experience half of what I later experience.
Now, what later came were long hospital nights, injections, bills, over thinking, surgeries, silent betrayals, broken promises....and a lot more. Each day throughout the time I spent in that situation make me feel bitter, there sre times I wske up brave, but each day am always breathing....and that's enough to still hope for hope.
In my late teens and early twenties, I have been the type who always show up for people, I help both family and friends including strangers. I have helped others to clean up even though I am also bleeding from my own issues, when my situation began to escalate, I thought it was like I wouldn't make it, and even if I should, I might stop being a voice, I might stop being good and all, but on the other hand, I thought.. maybe God just want me to pas through this so I could understand more, so my own story would be that which I will use in helping, advice, inspire and all to others.
I've been the comforting voice that help strangers, some speak up without hiding, some share their fears, issues through anonymous messages while I hid mine behind emojis. I’ve been that guy who gave out food packs during charity works, I smile as if my own stomach wasn’t hungry, I have been that guy who paid students bills as if I don't have bill of mine, also, I've been that guy who pour out light from my phone screen, even though I am in total darkness as well.
But during all those periods, I started choosing myself, I do stuffs for myself as well, I see that I do count too, In as much as my predicament taught me a lot, I didn't become heartless, or anything, I became more loving, caring and sll, even still, I shouldn't neglect myself... I go on trips, sometimes I eat what I crave, and I write a lot.
So, when I say I healed, not that I healed into perfection, no, but I healed into the person who could feel pain without becoming it, I could literally relate with people's pain, I could sit with someone and hear their story, I could relate and fit well Into someone else’s heartbreak and say, I know, I understand, I've been there, me too...., and all without crumbling.
I'm not hard but more human, not as you might think though, healing actually didn't make me immune to hurt, but it made me feel and love deeper. It did make me hope, fall, love, care and rise again. It made me realize that healing shouldn't build walls about us but build bridges,
Now, I can say I'm healed enough to let people in again, even when I know they might leave, I'm healed enough to try again even after failure, I'm healed enough to cry without shame, to rest without guilt and to give without the need to be noticed. And I'm Healed enough to hurt again, not because I'm weak but because I’m alive.
Life isn’t polished, nor is it a bed of roses, some days are good, some days are bad, some days are a mix of both, that's how life is, it’s ugly, beautiful, messy and neat.
So, if my life were a Netflix series, that would be the perfect fit for a title, nothing fancy about it, as it would contain life, realness, rawness and truth, in it would be moments of laughter, moment of grief. I would remain standing not because I’ve never fallen but because despite all, I kept getting back up.
In conclusion, I would still hope for hope, I hope that someone would watch and see themselves in it...hope would revive in them, they would love again and have faith. That they would see that healing is not the end of pain, but the start of being/becoming someone who can live through it, while still choosing to love, begin again, get back up, try, and choose to hope.
All pictures are mine, first and last pictures were generated using AI.
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