It was very early in the morning, and I was just folding my clothes and wrappers scattered on the small chair in my room when my last born, Tolu, walked in and from nowhere he dropped a question. I don't know what he has seen or thought overnight, but he asked me, “Mama, if somebody says he wants to marry you now, at your age(71), will you agree or not?"
Well, that question caught me unaware, I dropped what I was doing and sat at the edge of the bed, adjusted the only wrapper I had on and looked at him straight in the eyes, I know this boy well, he isn't concerned about me, mischief is written all over his face.
So, I asked him, "You wan give me husband?"
Well, he just laughed the question off. But still, I felt I should talk.
The truth is, I’ve thought about it too, there are times that silence gets loud, louder than you can imagine. Nobody is hanging around me, nobody has looked at me and decided to give it a shot, no.
My husband, Tolu's father, died about 19 years ago. He died after complaining of a mild chest pain, he woke up in the morning, complained of chest pain, I went to the kitchen to make something and before I return, he was gone. Just like that. I wore grief for years, back then people even thought I would remarry. I was 52, still strong and good looking. Even though, as a Christian, the Bible is not against it, so far my hubby is dead. But how could I move on so easily, he was my first love, he was the man who taught me to love, he cared for me and..... he's just the best, I doubt if words would be able to comprehend the good person that he was.
So, I decided to remain single. Aside from age, no one actually asked me the right way. The way some men approach me are a turn off for me already. The way some people talk, it's very obvious they don't want a wife, some just want nurse or nanny, some wanted a cook, some just wanted a companion, someone that will just accompany them to functions, events and all. I didn't mind the cooking and some stuff, but I needed something more deeper, and that I didn't find..
Now, at this age of mine, it sounds funny.
My I am old, even I know I am, I can't do certain things again, to climb the stairs atimes gives me headache, there are times I enter a room and forget the exact reason why I was in, and all sort of thing you can think of.
There's something Tolu didn’t understand. At that age, you no longer crave for anything romance, what you crave for is presence. You crave for someone who listens to you, you crave for someone you can narrate stories of the 1970s with, you crave for someone who wouldn't mock you or your fragile self, you crave for someone who wouldn't get offended when you fall asleep in the middle of a talk.
But, the world we live in today won't even encourage you to do such, what they will say is, “What exactly is she looking for at her age?”
They won’t bother to ask you how your nights feels, they won't bother to ask you how you would cope when your last child marries and the house starts to echo. They won't bother to ask you anything, but to gossip, leave that for them...they can do that to any extent.
So, to the question, "would I remarry?"
Am sorry if my answer isn't what you are expecting, but it is a yes. If God sends to me a kind and caring soul, someone who sees me as a woman with wisdom, stories, and a heart of gold.....I would give him a yes. Someone I can attend events with and dance even if my waist refuses to align with the beat, someone I can talk and share my thoughts with.
Not that I would force things, not at all, companionship is never by age, but by understanding.
And in the meantime, I keep myself company and I keep myself busy. I plant vegetables in my backyard, I play gospel music most of the times, I listen to my radio, I visit my children atimes, my grandchildren atimes come visiting, there are times I take the picture of my late husband and talk to him, I give him some little updates about the children, tell him how I have been feeling and how much I miss him.
Loneliness is not always bad, there are times it gives you space to think, reflect and remember who you actually are.
So, to answer Tolu's questions......If it comes, fine and good, I will surely embrace and welcome it. And if it never comes, I will be at peace by myself and sit with the memories I have, while reminding the world that a woman’s story doesn’t end because she's a widow.....
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