If I could change one thing about myself, it would be my shyness. I have lived with it for as long as I can remember. Now at 20, I thought I would have outgrown it, but it seems to have grown with me. Shyness, paired with a persistent feeling of inferiority, has been a constant weight on my personality. It makes me question my worth in spaces where I should feel comfortable, and it has formed an invisible wall between me and the rest of the world.
This internal struggle has affected almost every aspect of my life. Being introverted isn’t necessarily a flaw, I enjoy solitude and I value deep conversations over shallow small talk. But when shyness and inferiority complex mix with my introversion, it becomes isolating. I tend to overthink everything: how I talk, how I look, how I behave. I second-guess my words even before I say them. And when I do speak, it’s often with a trembling voice and unsure eyes. As a result, my circle is very small not because I want it that way, but because I don’t know how to expand it.
Social gatherings make me anxious. I avoid events that require interaction with unfamiliar faces. I’m constantly worried about not being “good enough", not smart enough, not confident enough, not interesting enough. In group settings, I often remain silent, watching others with ease and wishing I could be like them. This has cost me opportunities both personal and professional. I’ve missed chances to make friends, to speak up in class, to network, to shine. The feeling of being “unexposed” haunts me. While others seem to evolve, I feel stuck, confined by self-doubt and fear of judgment.
It’s not that I don’t have dreams or ambitions, I do. I want to be confident. I want to walk into a room and not feel like I don’t belong. I want to be able to introduce myself without rehearsing it a hundred times in my head. I want to build connections, share ideas, and make memories with people I haven’t met yet. But to do all that, I have to fight the quiet voice in my head that constantly whispers, You’re not enough.
Changing this part of me would mean more than just being able to socialize, it would mean freedom. Freedom to express, to connect, to grow. I know it won’t happen overnight, and maybe I’ll never be the loudest in the room. But I hope to reach a point where I no longer shrink myself to fit into corners. Where I don’t let fear dictate my steps. I believe we all deserve to take up space, to feel seen, heard, and valued. And if there’s one change I truly wish for myself, it’s to finally start believing that I do too.
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@ritaetim