Dear fellow wonderful Ladies, I hope this post finds you well. It's me again, Iris from East Java, Indonesia. I am very interested with both of this week topics from @ifarmgirl because how contrasting they are. I am trying to answer both of the question today, but first let's have an intimate talk about grief and emotional pain from the topic:
How do you recover from emotional pain or grief?
I always think that grief and emotional pain can take many forms. It can be an overwhelming sadness that makes you cry out loud or just a silent heaviness in your chest that keep you awake all night. Both are justified and both bring burden that slowly eat away our souls.
The first time I felt real grief is when my grandmother passed away. I was raised by her because my mom re-married again and she thought that I will be better with her and my mother family rather than with a stranger. After I became a mother myself, I couldn't agree 100% of that decision but she always did her best for me. She gave me love abudantly and unconditionally, and always became my stronghold. But she got a cancer and she was really suffered because of that. It was not a sudden goodbye, still when she was gone, there is an open hole in my heart that just can't be filled with anything.
I thought time will heal but no, the pain and endless longing still there, following me around like a thin veil. I just get used to it. Get used to the ache that sometimes came with a sweet memories. I didn't try to forget, I just simply live with it and cherish all the legacy that she left behind. I tried to visit places that she told me about, hunting the food that she liked, and sometimes do things in particular order just like how she used to do it. I would wear a piece of her clothes or jewelry on an important days because somehow it makes me calm.
Since my grandmother is a Chinese descendants, we tried to hold the traditional way of celebrate her passing like putting up offerings in Lunar New Year, Tomb-Sweeping Day, and Mid-Autumn Festival. My aunts will cook her favorite food and the whole family will gather together and have fun. It soothed the longing because apparently we had a chance to do something for her even though she was long gone.
However, I didn't know that the heaviest pain will be the loneliness. I know my family loves me and I also had my own little family now, an adorable boy who always light up my world and a loving and devoted husband. But sometimes, I feel like no one can understand me just like my grandmother. Even my mother sometimes could get me and made me feel even lonelier.
This kind of emotional pain is the worst for me because I didn't have any justified reason to be sad because my life was fine, but the aches are there. This kind of grief that could not be described is the most frustrating. At first it made me confused and scared, but after several episodes I realized that there were always a trigger that called it up.
It might be an childhood trauma that I didn't even aware I had or just simply being misunderstood again and again. It is like a thin veil that suddenly caught you of guard and suffocate you. Therefore whenever I got an episode, I tried to accept that after this my mood will be so mellow and sensitive, and even a small thing can bring a meltdown. So if possible, I avoid meeting people and spare time to asses my feelings. It was better if I can find the cause then I can understand the reason behind this unbearable pain but if I can't then I just welcome the pain like an old buddy.
Sometimes crying helps, sometimes the tears won't come at all and that's okay. I realized that we don't always explain or prove our feeling or emotions because they are real. And I believe that a lot of people right now on the different stage of grief caused by various reasons and that's okay too because someday somehow you will learn to live with it and making peace with your problems and situation.
Does the thing that didn't kill us make us stronger? Maybe yes, but no one talk about the gut wrenching aftermath. Still, I am sure it make us a survivor. Even if it just means that today you can sleep better that yesterday, it was an achievement. Don't be afraid to express your feelings, no need to find a validation or denial, just let yourself feel the pain and embrace your emotions because it is a part of you. After all, this is our own battle and I do wish that each people can find a silver lining on the cloudiest day.
Thank you for reading my post and let's end this with a more cheerful note by answering the intriguing question of priorities:
You received an invitation to three special occasions, but they all fall on the same day and at different locations — a wedding of your cousin, a huge family reunion, and your best friend’s wedding anniversary. Where would you go and why?
Because I didn't have many relative and my family was pretty close, I would choose the family reunion because I prefer an intimate setting rather than a celebration or festivities. The brides and groom won't notice you whether you are coming or not, If I couldn't attend the wedding, I will personaly visit the new family after the chaos to deliver my present and listen to the tea during the reception. And a wedding anniversary is better to celebrate with family but since it was my best friend, I will send a personal congratulary video message with cute footages that I gathered from his/her family to be presented during the event.
Didn't realize this become a very long post, so thank you for spending time to read it. See you around, Ladies!