Can I do a short post today? I do not have the will to write anything. The person who gives me the drive to write on days I do not want to have shut the door of motivation.
He shut it and left with the keys, and right now, I feel terrible because it's my fault. I have hurt him. It took me this long to do it. Me, who doesn't waste time hurting someone finally served him.
Every time I come upon him, all I think about is how to draw him close and touch him in all the right places and watch him do the same to me. He is too beautiful to be ignored and he has a smile that warms me in a way I can't explain. Once he is faking a frown or anger it's so funny that we both break out laughing hard. I can be myself around him, and gracious me, I have disclosed a lot of things I wouldn't tell another person to him. I like him. But I am hurting him.
Yep. I know those paragraphs do not match but forgive me, I am distracted, I can't get my thoughts together. In short, I am staring blankly at my favorite drink. I haven't had it in the last four days because we haven't had a power supply. Now, I had been given a chill one, one that was supposed to quench the four-day-old thirst. But here I am watching it get hot, no, warm, no .... Goodness, what's the word for it again?
"I want it too!!! I wanted to scream it so he can hear me, but you know what my voice said when it came out of my throat? She said something different... Entirely different. "Uhmm, I am sorry for leading you on, I shouldn't have. I am sorry I can't give you what you want. Instead of hurting you, let's stop being close" Yes, that's what my silly voice said instead of the one line of sentence that proves it's not a one-sided affection. Damn it!!!
What did he say? Nothing. He isn't responding. And as the silence continues, my excitement about doing all my favorite things in the world vanishes.