These days, I find myself regularly going to a specific café on Sundays to catch up, or take some baby steps with my other goals while being far from the temptations of being in my comfort zone at home. In this café, I have my favorite spot where I can enjoy the air conditioning while working, unlike at home where I have to be constantly conscious of the monthly electricity bill, and have to deal with frequent interruptions to my productivity like my dogs, chores, and family members.
I love my spot and this also happen to be the best spot for me to connect to the WiFi and the power outlet, so I consider myself truly blessed to be able to occupy this space with only a few people in the same room. Although other people's voices from conversations do trouble me from time to time, I only consider it a small issue that is fixable with a handy-dandy pair of ear muffs.
Thank the Lord for Teachers Day Donations!
Prior coming here today, I happened to listen to a Sunday Service online while preparing my stuff and putting on makeup. One thing that probably struck me during the talk was an anecdote, and the question, "Am I Really Kind?".
To put some context, the reverend was telling an anecdote about a certain emergency physician working in a hospital. In his daily grind to always be up on his feet and satisfy the demands of his profession, several events took place until finally he starts questioning the concept of kindness: if kindness is even relevant, if he is less of a person if he doesn't possess it, and if inherently kind people exist or if people just subscribe to kindness because they have to follow some sort of social construct or as a way to make sure they get a decent goodnight sleep at night.
He started having doubts if kindness was a necessity in his job. He's an emergency physician so every effort he has is directed to being competent in his profession, as one wrong move could result in dangerous consequences for the person who depends on him for treatment.
He argues on how kindness is not always available on his table due to always having to deal with the other responsibilities he is shouldering. He is a breadwinner, husband, father of two, and all of his resources are allocated to being a provider for his family. That's where his true allegiance lies. That's where his priority lies. If he has to choose between kindness and his family, the answer is pretty obvious.
Not only that, but he also took part in taking care of his Alzheimer's stricken mom, and had to shoulder the weight and pain his dad felt of moving his mom to a nursing home.
Both of his parents eventually died and then he finds himself asking if he is truly kind, if inherently kind people truly exist, or if people are just kind to satisfy a certain external persona they constructed because they feel the need to conform:
"I have to be kind because a lot of people look up to me... because my boss is watching... because my kids are watching... because I am a religious figure... because my co-workers are watching and so on."
Or maybe... it doesn't even have to be about other people:
"I have to be kind, so I can sleep well at night... so I can finally call myself a kind person... so my conscience won't eat me up"
And that hit me right then and there because, is kindness even kindness at all if there was a catch? Even the mere personal recognition of a kind act is a catch in itself.
But maybe the real reason why it's very difficult to recognize an inherently kind person is because we don't know anyone who is an inherently kind person. In fact, everyone is inherently flawed in more ways that we can admit.
All we have are reference points. Christians look at Jesus Christ as a reference point even though not many of them know him that much. Most just rely on themselves as the reference point since it's their most accessible option, even though it's not a very good one, and as a result, they either tend to sell themselves too short or sometimes, too (ignorantly) high.
A kind person does kind things, and sometimes there doesn't have to be any reason for being kind. A kind person just is. The only other type of person who does kind things is a politician.
Maybe the worry is not if the act of kindness comes from an inherent place, but instead, if we are taking the necessary steps to get as close to being inherently kind as possible.
Roxanne Marie is the twenty-year-old something who calls herself the Protean Creator.
She is a chemical engineer by profession, pole-dancer and blogger by passion and frustration, and lastly, a life enthusiast. She is on a mission to rediscover her truth through the messy iterative process of learning, relearning and unlearning. Currently, she works as a science and research instructor in her hometown, Tagbilaran City, all the while documenting her misadventures, reflections and shenanigans as a working-class millennial here on Hive.
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