As I was about to write this article, I thought to myself… “Give me a minute to play a game on my phone first” and then I turned to my messages. I was about to go on YouTube but I opened this tab and I was reminded that I am supposed to write this.
Living with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) for the past three years without knowing that it is ADD made life overwhelming with a lot of guilt on the side. I know I’m supposed to complete my school projects at least two days before the deadline but I would do it a day before. I know I’m supposed to wash my laundry before I run out but I would wait until I’m down to two or one pair of clothes. Sometimes I’d run to the laundry shop when I’m wearing the last pair. Doing things should become an emergency first before I have to do them.
here's me trying to survive in the workplace, trying my hardest to mask my ADD that my whole being dreaded getting up to go to work and repeat the same ordeal for another day yet again
And then there is the constant struggle with getting my mind to focus on one thing one at a time. When I’m working on a writing assignment, I would play music on Spotify first, then in the middle of the work, I’d play a game on my phone, then go back to it and after a paragraph or two, I’d find myself something to eat. Finishing a work would take me 2x or 3x longer than normal. Also, watching a movie is not just watching a movie. I should have a phone in my hand and a plate of food in front of me. ADD is like multiple tabs open at the same time or else I’m too bored to do it.
But there are also times that you get so overstimulated with a lot of things that you just slump down in the corner and not do anything for the rest of the day. This is when that heavy cloak of guilt would envelope all around me and become suffocating. There are a lot of things to accomplish; there’s a writing assignment, a basket of laundry waiting, a room needing to be cleaned and organized, and there is a hobby I want to get started on. But here I am… doing nothing.
The advantage of knowing the problem is the possibility of finding a solution. I may not have all the solutions to counter my symptoms but now that I know the problem, I am able to educate myself and take small steps of managing it. It also helped with easing the guilt and self gaslighting.
now i decided to just work from home, scour the internet for any odd jobs. the pay won't be as much but i'm prioritizing my mental health over money
Here’s a cheer to us neurodivergents who continually braves the normal world day by day! ;)
all photos are me and mine😆
see you on the next one!