I believe there's a misconception among some that confidence is arrogance; they're actually two distinctly different things and bring people vastly different results; furthermore, the perception they can cause others to have, if those people understand the differences, are totally different.
I believe a person should feel confidence in themselves, something that may not come easily, and in what they do be it parenting, their professional role or job, the activities they engage in, self-reliance and other aspects. Confidence helps people achieve more and understanding whether one has it or not can inspire a person to doing the things that bring them closer to it, that's called improvement, and that's not a bad thing; I think continual improvement is essential for a human.
Arrogance on the other hand, it's limiting, self-defeating, ugly, relationship-damaging and can create isolation from others, stress and can breed a lack of opportunity and progress. It's quite a negative personality trait.
I'm confident in many ways; professionally for sure, in my relationship with the girl in my life, with my family and with my particular skill-set which encompasses many things that I'm good at. I'm dependable, reliable and many feel I'm a good person to have around. It feels good.
I'm also a rather shy fellow, it's intrinsic to my nature and it's been the case from a young child; it's that aspect that gives me confidence-wobbles from time to time. I feel safe and confident within my group and with my people but due to my profession and professional responsibilities have had to work very hard to build (or fake) a degree of confidence which has meant some study and practical application of what I learned.
Below is a short list of some of the things I've learned along the way that I deploy in situations like the above, and which I easily possess and use as a confident person in other scenarios:
- Reflect, review and redeploy - Essentially, know how you were perceived or acted, see what can be done differently and better and then do it.
- Maintain appropriate eye contact - Nothing shouts not fucken confident more than poor eye contact, or none at all. This will undermine a person in a few seconds flat.
- Network effectively and efficiently and with a strategy - Sure, this is primarily the term/activity used in a professional sense, but "networking" in a social environment happens as well. Confident people do it well, know when to push and pull and make it seem effortless and comfortable for others.
- Listen to actually hear others - Partially listing will take you down a slippery slope as you'll think and respond incorrectly and out of sync with the other person/people. Hear and understand, then form your response. It'll build confidence even in situations when a person doesn't feel it.
- Calm and steady speaking is important - Voice modulation conveys a lot and confident people will temper it and try to find an economy of words. They also allow others to speak more than they talk themselves.
- Confident people feel no need to brag - It's unattractive and can negatively effect other's perception. Besides, few believe the bragging anyway; they just pretend to because they're polite and have confidence in themselves.
- We don't know everything and it's ok to say it - There's power in saying, I don't know, especially when it's backed up with, but I know where to find out and will get back to you, giving another future point of contact. In a social setting, it allows the other person to show what they know and tell you and that builds confidence in themselves and helps them to feel like you're an ok person for listening and being interested in them.
- Failure and challenge are things to embrace - This is true for many reasons, but confident people certainly do it rather than shy away from it. The benefits will come, or more failure and challenge, and then benefit. It's cyclic.
- Confident people don't need (or seek) validation - This one is pretty self-explanatory. They're comfortable in their skin and need no one to make them feel it.
Like me, I think people feel confidence in different ways and in different aspects of their life. I'd say I'm mostly a confident person and have definitely learned some techniques to show it even when I may not fully feel it. I know the benefits that come of confidence and the negatives that come from arrogance and I guess a person needs to see that for themselves and determine which way they want to lean.
What are your thoughts?
We all have wobbles of various natures and I think that a lack of confidence causes many such moments and feelings. Are you confident? Arrogant? Maybe ignorant. If you have any stories around either that you'd like to share below in the comments feel free to have a go.
Design and create your ideal life, tomorrow isn't promised - galenkp
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Image(s) in this post are my own