Saying something: Part Six - Don't defend

I've listened to a lot of people in my life and have benefitted from hearing and understanding many of them. Listening is an excellent skill, one learns more listening than talking. I had an idea to do a little series of posts about things I've heard people say and which I've taken away, thought over and applied to my life. I'll keep these posts quite short but hope someone reads something they can fit into their own life. Here goes.

Never defend criticism

I rarely feel the need to defend myself when verbally attacked, judged or criticised, it's an empty action and it doesn't come with reward, it simply opens the door to additional commentary from people who don't deserve that opportunity. If I ever do feel the need to defend myself I slap myself across the face (figuratively speaking) and snap out of it.

People are entitled to their opinions whether they're right or wrong and are even entitled to voice them though people should know when to stay silent. We cannot control what others think, say or do but we can certainly control how we respond and defending oneself in cases like this rarely has the effect we intend.

I'm not saying it's best not to respond at all however sometimes that's the best course of action, but there's a lot to be said for an answer that closes off the opportunity for further comment and to show no signs of being annoyed, hurt or angry over the comments. Of course, if it's constructive criticism from someone who's opinion is valued then it's wise to ask for more, to delve into the comments and use it as a lesson and momentum to improve. The lack of a continuous improvement ethos is a travesty so find it if you don't have it.

I once retorted to a vitriolic tirade criticising me by saying, the list of my flaws and fallibilities is long and I work on them every day. The other person didn't quite know what to say and slunk away...an excellent result.