Why life feels so messed up since the day i met that person. The day that person entered in my life my life when upside down, in the beginning i used to get butterflies in my stomach but in the end they all got killed very badly. When i look around and realised what has changed, it's the person that i feel i relied on, trusted on. But now what, thinking and knowing that it ended but didn't accepting, and here's the biggest problem. When someone leaves you it's not that point, they might have decided it a month ago but you didn't get there signals well, there dry replies, ignorance and those fake expressions, pretending to be busy, you didn't got them, you failed.
Well, when i look all around myself, my surroundings, I don't feel that good everything near me inside me seems so messed up and i am unable to clear it or make it organised because the wires inside me heart and brain are so much tangled that now I'm not able to bear them, when i use to feel to cry my throat feels so much pain to expel it out but it's unable to so i better control it rather let everyone make fun of me because I'm afraid of it. I rather cry in a room rather saying or begging someone to listen it as a formality. I feel like i am the problem but deep inside i realise that the only person to start it was me so it's not a good deal to cry or regret out now because it's too late to think that i made a mistake.
I had no idea about the situation I'm into today, a few days it's was okay but what has happened now. Has that person found someone better, am i the biggest problem in anyone's life, am i not perfect, have i done anything wrong, so many questions but no one is there to answer and even if i will ask i know that i am gonna get the worst, dry and coldest reply ever so i better think again and again and imagine a situation and that's what all i could do. Sitting in a corner of my room regretting the situation into which i am today, open Spotify and play the most saddest song i may cry but it's only me who is aware of what i am going through, nobody even has an idea, i just pretend to be good.
Sometimes i may think about the weirdest step i could ever take in my life but they stupid me realise that isn't this enough, what ever you are currently bearing i think that is the type of enough pain i am currently bearing is worst and it shall get even more soon. At this point of this the only thing i can do is remember the fake problems, all those sweet words which were actually bitter but seems so good hear just think about these things when we just to meet all those things which shall make me happy about remembering the sweetest version of that person at a particular time in the year which is fading by the coming time.
My story shall feel as if i am crying writing all this but as i go deep and search for any tear, they is partially any i would mention because with time and all the worst thing i have ever faced my tears are drying lately. I may say that it's not a first time for me i have faced many great difficulties on many of my fronts but this one hit me better. Thinking all this by waking up late nights won't solve anything but still there is a hope deep inside me that, that person shall come back... And i am really to accept him, a great love and a great sacrifice love is the most complicated thing i had ever faced...