Sometimes I weirdly feel Life has that special game with me where it does all it can to make me complain merely to push me over my edge so I can extend my patience and lightheartedness.
And although I made enormous progress and don't complain as much anymore it still gets me sometimes in my own head.
How do people do it?
To not complain! HOW?
'entangled duel', AI generated by me on nightcafe @oazys
There is the notion of the petty tyrant archetype in the books by Carlos Castaneda with his encounters with the impeccable Nagual Don Juan.
The Nagual claims that to live a glorious life of fearlessness one must get fully rid of one's Self-Importance, even go to the extent of seeking out a petty tyrant to practice one's own impeccability and wisdom.
It feels masochistic on the first glance, especially in our society glorifying indulgence, but at the same time this quotes really hit home for me:
What seems natural is to think that a warrior who can hold his own in the face of the unknown can certainly face petty tyrants with impunity. But that's not necessarily so. What destroyed the superb
warriors of ancient times was to rely on that assumption. Nothing can temper the spirit of a warrior as much as the challenge of dealing with impossible people in positions of power. Only under those conditions can warriors acquire the sobriety and serenity to withstand the pressure of the unknowable.
Self-importance is our greatest enemy. Think about it? What weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellow men. Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone.
The new seers recommended that every effort should be made to eradicate self-importance from the lives of warriors. I have followed that recommendation, and much of my endeavors with you has been geared to show you that without self-importance we are invulnerable.
Invulnerable. Again for those who need emphasis to process information: Invulnerable.
Don Juan explained that the mistake average men make in confronting petty tyrants is not to have a strategy to fall back on; the fatal flaw is that average men take themselves too seriously; their actions and feelings, as well as those of the petty tyrants, are allimportant.
Exerpts from the Fire From Within
Our self importance makes everything worse, thats a fact.
It spoils our outlook and perception of reality.
And when I say spoil, I really mean it; it infects, spreads and rots our entire attitude towards every moment in our life.
Self importance is truly a waste.
It wastes energy, nerves and creativity.
I mean, we have a roof over our head and food on the plates! There's nothing to complain in the face of such circumstance.
'the bearings of indulgence', AI generated by me on nightcafe @oazys
It all is going crazy right now for me to firmly realize & assimilate two things:
I'm not weak, not easily hurt. Just the world likes to project that on me, but I'm far from being fragile.
Everything keeps pushing me in Gods arms, everything, whatever I do and whatever reaction I get from "people", it's all just my mind.
But everything together right now is a real bitter cocktail;
An immobile incontinent dog + shitty weather = he has to stay inside & pees and poos all over the place.
It's so cold and our house is not fully isolated so the moisture from drying laundry inside is not possible.
I have no other choice but to wait for the sun.
A full seedbank but no warm environment to grow seedlings. No sun facing warm spot for them to have natural light. I have to get resourceful and use what's available. I'm already pretty "behind" on seedlings with the move and the current circumstances, where in a natural clay home, well the home breathes and we are not set with heating, that is our major project over the summer. I feel my impatience of not having it perfectly set up. I feel panic when I see that we are already april and maybe the plants won't be able to mature fully before the season is already finished.
But then it also makes me wonder, how did people do it? They had to wait for the Sun after the last frost passed to even plant anything at all! How did they end up getting an abundance of paprika and aubergines in such a short time? Well then nothing is impossible!
But have I mentioned that it's awefully cold!!
'Reality Squeeze', AI generated by me on nightcafe @oazys
I realized lately that the complaint that likes to formulate itself the most often in my head has a root in the impression that somebody else didn't do their job right & I have to clean up the mess or fix it!
Just like my mom didn't do her job properly either with her 3 children, so I had to fix it.
And I had to make it right, I gave myself the double load.
But I can only do what I can! I can only do as far as my resources allow me to.
How about I look after myself a bit?
How about I create inmidst of the life that I am embodying, and live less by one or many roles that I have been taught to slip in and out of.
And then finally remind myself, and everyone else:
For anybody who has a remark, well too bad you're not in my shoes to make it better!
As a matter of fact, nobody else can live my life "better" than me, so I better just live it fully, with all its flaws and downs and every shortcomings.
Like the french saying goes:
Le plus important et ce qui compte c'est de participer!
The most important and what counts is to participate.
So let's burn all the expectations, the ideals and the goals and simply participate.
Participate by being fully present and looking Reality straight in the face, without flinching.
It's just our Self-Importance that feels wronged by Life, nothing else.
