Today I would like to talk to you about the topic of "self-evidence". Why? Because I had an interesting discussion about this topic with a colleague today and I wanted to share my thoughts with you.
You probably know it, things or actions that you take or have been taken for granted. But, does such a quality like "self-evidence" exist? Or is it a construct of our own expectations? Expectation towards others? Expectation towards oneself?
I think it's important to distinguish between actions, social interactions, and objects that can all be taken for granted.
Let's start with the actions of others or ourselves.
You ask a colleague, a friend, for a favor, and they respond with "Yeah, of course!". You're probably familiar with this. But now my question is: Is it really a matter of course, or is it the friend's motivation for wanting to help? Because this person accepts circumstances in order to be able to help me, or to do me a favor, such as driving me to the train station or lending me money. Can I expect that from another person? Because it goes without saying. And if it is a matter of course, do I have to thank that person?
I think it's a bit easier with objects, because I have acquired objects that I take for granted myself. And yet the very philosophical question arises as to whether you only notice that you take things for granted when you no longer have them? For example, we didn't have a fridge for almost 6 weeks. Up until the moment the fridge broke down, it was always somehow taken for granted and normal that it was there. From the moment it was unfortunately out of order, you are actually reminded that it's not so natural.
I then took this thought further and came to the conclusion that there can be no such thing as a matter of course. Because if something is taken for granted, then I simply demand that circumstances are accepted, that I could actually care less about, in order to achieve my goals. And that is exactly what I cannot and must not demand. That person wants to help me or do me a favor. It goes without saying that the answer to the question is also superfluous, because it can only be "yes". Where is the possibility of saying "no"?
Personally, I no longer take anything for granted. This realization has helped me to lead a better life. On the one hand, I give the other person the opportunity to decide for themselves what they want to do without taking the answer for granted. I am also not angry with a person when I get a "no". This person certainly has their reasons for not being able or willing to help me at that particular moment. As a result, I am much less often disappointed and at the same time I have more understanding for my fellow human beings. I am more empathetic. On the other hand, I am freer because I am no longer forced into a role where I don't want to be. If I want to help someone, it's because I want to and it's important for me to help this person. In my opinion, this is very important for emotional self-care. Being able to say no is a skill that everyone should master.
How do you feel about this? Do you think it comes naturally? Feel free to write it in the comments. I look forward to hearing your opinion and view of things.