Have you ever felt the urgency to get things all done at once? Well, lately I've felt that way, and it's not that I haven't felt that before, it's just that this time its intensity increased. Perhaps it is because I'm on vacation and I don't have school obligations yet and that caused the need to accomplish those things to become stronger. But honestly, even though I'm on vacation, I still have a lot of things to do, and naturally, I don't have an excuse to skip my household chores. And so I really need to do all of them.
However, before vacation came up, I already planned the things I needed to do, plus the things I failed to accomplish on last year's vacation. So I ended up getting pretty loaded...a day wouldn't pass without me doing something. Instead of having a great rest during my vacation months, I ended up getting busier. Some opportunities came my way, so I ended up taking them as well. That's why up until now I still haven't done all of them, and just thinking about them made me quite frustrated. I badly wanted to finish them all, but now that I'm in the second week of July, and almost just a month before our classes start, I realized that accomplishing them all would be an impossible feat.
Of course, I'm upset and I wouldn't deny it because I planned it months before the vacation started. But what can I do if my schedule—and even my body can't bear those expectations? Supposedly, a week ago, I was still positive that I could accomplish them before this month ends, but with unexpected activities that came in—like my tutorial sessions and sudden additional household chores I needed to do—accomplishing all of those became quite impossible.
Also, I experienced a real nasty cold, and if I didn't have a draft with my review, I wouldn't have posted anything yesterday. I sneezed a lot of times to the point that my nose became runny and sore, but I can't relax yet because I have a tutorial session to attend. And so I tried my best not to sneeze my nose out while teaching my student. Thankfully, my nose cooperated, and the session ended with me not sneezing, and because of that experience, a realization dawned in me.
I can't do these things all at one month.
No matter how hard I try or no matter how much I gaslight myself that I can finish them in time, there are things that I can't do this time. This isn't the first time I've come to this realization, but along the way, I somehow forgot that realization because I became too full of myself again. Trusting ourselves isn't a bad thing, but forcing ourselves to do things that we know we can't is self-destruction. I realized that working too much puts a lot of pressure on me, and given my condition now—even a slight stressor could trigger my defective odd immune system.
Along with that realization, I decided to just accomplish the things I can during this month, and continue what wasn't done in the next months coming. For some time, due to my preoccupied schedule, I forgot to feel and enjoy the things I do because I'm too eager to get all things done at once, and that eventually became the bane of my happiness because instead of feeling accomplished and satisfied, I look forward again to accomplishing another thing to do.
That cycle goes on and on until I feel drained and my body complains. That's why I realized to do things at my pace and also to don't let those things dictate my pace, for if I don't, I know it won't be long before I'll be forced to go back to those bitter and tedious treatments, and I definitely don't want to go back during those times. It's time to apply those learned lessons again before it's too late.
All of the pictures used were taken by yours truly, ridgette.