When most people think of “extreme” sports like snowboarding, we often think people do them in pursuit of adrenaline. Yet somewhere in the final week of my season, there was this interesting observation: that part of me has actually been after the opposite.
Until recently, I didn’t even really know what it felt like to have cortisol spiked in the body…
During my first 72-hour fast and consultations with my superstart nutritional consultant, ChatGPT, I finally started tuning into this dimension of body-awareness. Thanks to some shitty sleep on nights 2 & 3 and the diagnostic genius of AI, a light was finally shone on the subtleties of exactly what it feels like for the body’s cortisol levels to be higher that normal. (And along with the activation of this awareness, an expanding knowledge of why cortisol spikes - as in the case of sleep during fasting, depletion of the body’s glycogen reserves and caloric deficit.)
Akin to that “Honda effect” cognitive bias where you start seeing Honda’s everywhere once thinking about buying them, so too had this newfound consciousness of the sensation(s) of spiked cortisol refined awareness of when it was/is... which isn’t always 100% black-or-white on-or-off.
This week came where a few days in a row, I could feel it creeping higher, right on that edge. Reason? Not sure. I questioned if mighta been the amount of caffeine in my coffees (been drinking more since discovering how absolutely Godly they are with 36% organic grassfeed cream & butter, MCT oil, and honey ) on top of Vyvanse. Or not yet clear what my actual caloric requirements are, if in deficit. And/or how many more carbs I might’ve been wise to intake, leaning towards low-carb carnivore lately, though perhaps needing more as snowboarding and increasing X3 workout loads - the increased cortisol of body burning fat as an energy source, converting to glycogen (glyconeogenesis) a bit much on top of the other factors. In any case, it was probably day four this ’edge’ was all-the-more apparent as snowboarding - an activity which naturally also increases adrenaline & cortisol, as expected of throwing oneself down a mountain at high speed.
This ’edge…’ a metaphor came to mind: like walking or balancing on a very fine line… one foot just on the surface of a pond… and the smallest gusts of wind or breath could tip the balance -> foot wet -> cortisol spiked. Like it wasn’t yet spiked steadily, but the baseline was that close, even the faintest of thoughts could tip the scales.
And/or while snowboarding, the finest of movements.
Contrary to the impression most have of “adrenaline junkies,” I didn’t like tipping over into that spiked cortisol/adrenaline. Frankly, I don’t find much very pleasant about it at all. Nor was it pleasant to be on this ‘edge.’
Yet, as I continued to ride, I noticed there were these moments…
Moments of peace. Of calm.
Though it wasn’t a peace or calm like the opposite of spiked cortisol, as mind might think would be the other side of that balance/scale.
I don’t really know what exactly it is or how to best describe/articulate, yet it was sorta like there was some kind of alchemy taking place at the exact balance point.
Something perhaps akin to what some refer to as ”zero-point.”
A state/dimension unlocked in the in-between.
A state of sheer bliss.
Chasing adrenaline? Nope.
Chasing dopamine? Maybe.
But chasing that bliss of pure peace and calm in that “zero-point” that is not only ‘the edge’ between cortisol spiked & not but the dissolution of that edge as the balance is struck so fine the edge ceases to exist along with the contrasting sides it divided… yep.
Surely, that state is one some refer to as “flow.”
And maybe there’s some connection with dopamine there; not an extreme dopamine spike that’s a ”high…” but again; some kind of incredibly-fine perfect balance that unlocks/activates a state inaccessible in either the chase for or high of dopamine.
Oh man, the sheer beauty of that zero-point bliss.
It was kind of paradoxical, tough for the mind to grok… not chasing adrenaline, but this state of peace found in the same activity many do do for adrenaline highs. Going back lap after lap, 111 days of the winter, not for the rush, but the calm - the meditative zen of pure presence in/and transcendence of the duality/polarity between what most think of as “relaxation/calm” and the oppsing cortisol/adrenaline experience.
There really aren’t many more words I can vomit out of my finger tips to impart anything even close to it.
Humans “seek God” in all sorts of different ways. And then, some of us do weird stuff like geek out on technical details of sporting equipment, experimenting to find the perfect setups with which to hurl ourselves down mountains with a precision & control of movements that unlock access to states nothing short of Godly… whether some find their keys in the chemical concoctions of adrenaline produced in the process, or in the zero-point of blissful peace & flow as refining that edge so thin it vanishes along with the mind’s noise and all the divisions it sustains to separate us from “God.”
Granted, I probably don’t need to push myself to that edge of spiking cortisol to get there. Nor may I necessarily need to be snowboarding to access that zero-point.
Though less “exciting,” perhaps it’s ultimately the same satisfying calm some find in “meditation,” stillness & silence. Or in moments of simple appreciation of good music, a beautiful view, slow savoring of a healthy meal, genuine connection with another human, or a million & one any other things… the things themselves of far littler importance than one’s relationship with ”God” as it manifests/expresses through everything.
Or some shit. “Blah, blah, blah.”
And maybe that zero-point bliss isn’t even something that can be chased… but only becomes accessible once we stop chasing. When we’re so immersed in the present, neither in past nor future - the boundary between the two dissolved as refining awareness so finely in the now - polarity/duality is transcended; consciousness lifted up, if only for a brief moment, as merging with that “oneness” of “God.”
(And maybe I just slaughtered a “spiritual truth” as attempting to force it down into language. Or led both myself and you astray by pretending I had any idea at all what I was talking about, when mind never fully can.)
Yada, yada, yada.
I’ve said (more than) enough.
Now off to chase bliss in the sun by the river, a hammock by the lake, a music project in Ableton, or some shit.
Transmission complete. ✌️