I should let my words sting. I shouldn’t hold back
I should say what I’m feeling and fear fewer consequences. There are some people who I like but they don’t understand me as well as they think they do, and rather than tell them that, I find myself just letting them do what they are comfortable doing, even if I find it draining to sit through.
I know how hard it is to change people and I’ve suffered the drama that comes with being disliked so I shy away from conflict. I never betray my values and I put up with less bullshit than most people I know, but still more than I should.
I should tell him he says some stupid shit. Will he take it personally? Maybe. Still it’s better than letting him dictate the vibe of the interaction.
I don’t need a million compliments, the more compliments he gives the more I doubt what he says.
I can’t keep changing the topic every minute.
I am not interested in pleasantries.
He doesn’t need to prove anything to me either.
I think the main reason I don’t want to demand things of other people is that I don’t want them to make similar demands on me. I know what it’s like and it brings out the worst in me.
It leads me to feel hate.
But it shouldn’t be like that. If we can say what we feel gently and honestly, we don’t give things a chance to go our way.
I don’t think my friend wants to kiss my ass like that. I think he probably respects me and is not used to moments of silence and my rythm is too slow forbhim to know what to do with.
The old me doesn’t want trouble.
It’s so easy to stay silent when you know speaking could bring you trouble. Some people get off on the confrontation and so they always make their desires and will known.
Personally I tend to find many of those who say things straight all the time have more simplistic world views and less compassion, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t a happy middle ground.
I’ve just sent him a message telling him thanks for the praise but he should cool it. The more he says it the more I doubt he means it and that he doesn’t need to be so perfunctory. Later I plan to tell him I can smell the grind of the city on him and it stinks. He feels so high strung and unnatural.
I don’t want to say it cause I dislike him. I want to say it because I like him and I know he ‘ll be happy with himself if he can think less.
He’s probably worried about making me uncomfortable the same way I am worried about making him uncomfortable. I want to be strong enough to call time out.
That’s what I want to be, someone who can always call time out and remove the bullshit.
If it causes drama, I have no problem explaining myself when warrented or if the drama heats up too much, i can easily cut whatever ties need to be cut.
I don’t think I will have to cut anything off any time soon, I’ve already filtered the most dramatic people out of my life.