I’ll never forget my first full time job interview. It was for a teaching job at a popular cram school chain.
I was so stressed out about what to say, about proving to them that I really wanted to do a good job, to make everyone satisfied, to deliver on the promises of the company.
I knew that money was important, the bottom line, but I believed that there must be some sense that really delivering would be something the company saw as an asset that would help them make money.
My mistake.
I had spent the morning going over all the things I wanted to say and wondering how to present mysef as responsible and diligent. Did my tie look right?
I was made to wait an extra 20 minutes outside and when the interviewer finally arrived he called me by someone elses name.
“No big deal”, I thought, “everyone makes mistakes”. I corrected him and he invited me in and started asking me about myself.
I got the sense that he was tuning out and it made me forget the answers I had wanted to give him.
Suddenly he surprised me by asking me to role play a trial lesson, knowing that I had never taught before. “To you?” “Yes” and he told me which grammar point to teach.
I stumbled fantasticaly and thought it was probably over for me.
He didn’t seem to mind though.
He asked me what I thought the goal of the school was. I said something along the lines of “to help the kids enjoying learning and improv their test scores”. He chuckled.
I’ll never forget what he said next.
“If you want to work here, you have to understand what we do here. It doesn’t matter if they learn or not. That is not a prioroty for us. We want them to feel like they are learning. You need to entertain them and make them feel they got what they paid for. Don’t worry about whether they learn or not.”
I wasn’t so naive as to think a company culture wouldn’t have these kinds of remarks spoken at a managerial level or to reprimand a teacher who kept losing students…but to a potential employee, someone who isn’t even part of your company yet!?! That’s the introduction?!?
Are you fucking kidding me? Are you really that shameless?
You could have said “Be Entertaining” and it would have carried the same message without sounding like a scumbag.
I was enraged and he could tell by my look of disgust. I’m sure now that that look is why I didn’t get the job, not because I stumbled on the trial lesson.
That day changed me though.
It had proven to me that all my suspicions about society were true. Nothing about the nature of humans because that was a much more complex issue, but on the nature of society and what values it really incentivized, what “work” was really about for people who employ other people.
I know most companies probably put on a much better face than that, but I already knew that this was how things worked. I was observant enough of adults to know that he was just saying the quiet part out loud.
Before that I had aways suspected school and work and politics were mostly bullshit, but I lacked solid evidence. For the first time I was able to start building my case for the lifestyle I wanted to live, one far away from this shit.
I had suspected that my teachers, my doctors, charities people around me had donated to, and my parents praise for rich philanthropists were all horse shit. I had seen many instances before but there was always some form of plausible deniability.
“Those are just the bad apples”. Ok sure.
“Well, you know, money is important but most people are good people”. Notnincorrect but missing the point
“Yeah, most billionaires probably selfish, but not this one, look, he donated half his wealth to charity!” Mmhmmmm
On my very first encounter with corproate culture, I was privledged enough to see it for what it was, no filter.
Lucky me.
From that moment I stopped caring about whether I fit in to society’s ideas of goodness and properness. I would never give up on being a decent person but I would also never let anyone gaslight me into thinking the media aways tells the truth or that their politician was somehow different or that “at least its better than (insert dictatorship here)”.
The system was rotten.
It may be better than X or Y, and it may be better than it used to be in some senses but I still had every right to call it rotten.
The eductation system
Taxes
Big industries
Political parties
Bureaucracy
Ideology
Shared values
All rotten or rotting.
Not all bad throguh and through, but bad enough that one should not be too swayed by them.
I could listen to people defend a rotten system and I would try to consider how bad the alternatives might be, but I wouldn’t waste my time on ideas from people who failed to see the rot.
And I wouldn’t give up on believing that something better was possible.
I eventually found a dimilar job at a company that hid the bullshit but i knew what was up. Unlike my coworkers, I noticed how the company would take advantage of us and I protected myself against it. After 3 years I quit and decided only to work for small companies from then on. I spent a year at a small company which had a very similar culture, no doubt adopted by the owner and manager who spent too much time in that kind of culture.
I am not saying everyone working s corporate job is evil. I’m not even saying the corporations themselves are evil. I’m just saying there is moral decay and I won’t ignore it.
I’m not expecting things to be perfect either.
But I hold myself to a higher standard. I won’t fool anyone in order to earn money. I won’t promise things I can’t deliver. If ever do, I promise to reflect and change!
Most importantly, I seek to work towards ideals rather than work for money. It doesnt mean I will disregard money and make 0 compromises. It means I will strive to make as few as possible and make less and less as I can afford to.
It’s not a rejection of money. I know that it’s possible to earn money truly providing what you promise. It may be harder but it’s possible, and will pay off better in the long term.
It’s interesting though. After that experience I can spot empty words from a mile away because I am always ready for them. I saw doctors, teachers, consultants and contractors fluffing things up just to keep you around and trusting them.
The illusion of the “expert”
Eventually I noticed it in myself too, so I get it!
I don’t think you are a bad person if you participate in this, but I think it’s something we always try to should clean up.
When I finally became indpendent, I hid many things about myself and lied to students about my private life and opinions because I was scared they’d leave and I wouldn’t have money to live. And when I tried to show my true self, I lost a student or two.
But in the long run I’ve found that as I show my true self more and more, the quality of my students has gone up and the amount they are willing to pay goes up as well. It’s all people who really appreciate me.
If I was just trying to get money from them and didn’t care about the results, this wouldn’t work.
Be yourself but deliver. Look for win/win’s. I think these are key.
Now as I focus more and more on music, part of me is worried aboit letting students see that it’s become a priority for me. “How can he teach me well if he cares more about music?”. But I still care more about helping them improve than anyone at a big school would.
I have the capacity to care about more because I have the energy for an abudnance mentality. I’m completely honest when I say I will do what I can to help them, and I don’t end up secretly resenting them cause I am still able to focus on the things I want to focus on.
I see them as helping me to achieve my goals and so I am more motivated to deliver! The students I attract now can see that.
It wasn’t easy to get here but it was worth it! I know it’s still getting better as I gain more energy to put into everything that I am doing as things evolve.