I'm sure everyone has felt it before... the feeling of just being an empty shell. Going through the motions of life, unfeeling your emotions. And let the busyness of the world take away your deeper questions... like, what is the purpose of it all?
Source: https://stock.adobe.com/ph/search?k=%22meaning+of+life%22
Since the demise of my mother in December of 2018, I have found myself constantly alone. I am an introvert, to begin with, but I became just all the more alone in life and the dealings with it. A proper vagabond, with no one or nothing to tether me here. I battled suicidal thoughts on almost a daily basis. Being an INFJ whose default pursuit is to find the meaning of it all also didn't help.
I have gone through a lot with my mental health since then, and I'm proud of holding on even to the tiniest of hope and progressing even by inch stone. Yet, as they say, mental health issues are a life-long battle.
Today, facing the early December somber morning, I started to wonder again... what is the purpose of it all? Why do I have to be patient in life? Where would rest come from these invasive thoughts?
My friends and I used to joke about how we wish we were "stupid happy," lol. You know, to just take life at face value and stride with it. But alas, we are the overthinkers, the type to dive into life and scrape until we find authenticity with it. Happiness is always fleeting for these people.
If you are one of us, I'm sure you get the whole picture.
Source: https://www.boats.com/how-to/lightning-protection/
In all these, one thing I've learned is that sure, life is similar to a picture of us on a boat, always rowing and trying to get to the other side of a promised land - it could be our hope for a promotion, to get richer, or for some, be healthy from illnesses - meanwhile, we are driven and tossed by the wind. There are storms and mini-floods in this boat. And sometimes, it feels like the battering is so constant. We barely have time to rest from being seasick. Yet, we can still live and not just survive these storms.
When I was younger, I thought it meant preventing all the storms and finding all the leaks in my boat to prevent capsizing. If you do that, it is just meant to tire you until you give up. I am not saying that we should just let the waters in. Your boat will sink if that's the case. But sometimes, we can look up and see the beauty of a stormful day and the wind blasting in our faces... you can breathe and say it is okay. Life is supposed to be with bumps and hails. It wasn't meant to be easy.
Source: https://herway.net/enjoy-life-quotes/
Just find your anchor and let live. For me, it means listening to music that strikes my heartstrings. It also means eating good food to live another day. Connecting to my friends and talking all day (if schedule permits). It means letting the afternoon sight unfold while watching people and sceneries. So that when I face the typhoon again, I can smile with strength. Grind, again.
It sounds so simple or cliche. But really, it works. We aren't meant to figure out all the secrets of the universe with our human capacity. But we were given life, and that my friend is meant to be enjoyed abundantly, even in the face of intimidating storms and unending floods. It is okay to feel a little bit despondent. You will have better days. Smile and live another day until you get to your promised land. And then to another.
Here's my recommended song for you today~ Cheers!