A colleague today was talking how awesome the time was spent with their son on Saturday morning, where they spent time talking and playing board games. This is of course not an uncommon thing to do, at least for me, but they seemed somewhat embarrassed at it and went on to say how,
"this is the kind of mother she pictured of herself", before she had kids.
She never saw herself with the baby and she knew that the baby stage was not going to be the bit of motherhood she connected with, and I agree.
For me, I loved you as a tiny baby too. From the moment you held my finger and looked into my eyes while they took your weight, before laying you on your Mother's belly. The weeks in the hospital before we could bring you home and of course, the first time you smiled, that smile you still have.
You did nothing at all, but changed everything.
However, like my colleague a little perhaps, it was a necessary stage to get to the really good bits, which started with your first word.
Daddy.
In the last couple months since we last spoke, you have taken another step in your development and your character has started to shine through as you become more confident with yourself and what you want to say. You are searching for independence from us now, but still wanting to check in, just to see our reactions. And, you are cheeky, and funny, and witty. We will get on great. But as you know, when personalities are very similar, there are going to be some clashes.
Right now, you are testing your mother more than me and she is trying really hard to give you your space and talk things through with you when your mood swings. You frustrate her a lot, but hugs from you are the best thing in her world and when you aren't looking, she watches the things you do and smiles. A lot.
Oh right. It is a new year too and with that, comes a new activity for you. You are getting back into the pool, after a break of almost six years, and you aren't yet seven. You started swimming lessons as a baby and then all the schedules changed and we could no longer get there, but now, after us teaching you "mum and dad style" during the summers, it is time for proper lessons. I didn't learn to swim well as a child but the day I took my first strokes in the pool, I drowned and had to be resuscitated.
You are already doing much better than I ever did.
And I really feel that this is going to be the trend of things into the future, where you are going to make leaps and bounds in your development and I will have a hard time keeping up, until I am so far behind, all I can do is stand back and watch you do your thing in life. The way it should be.
We aren't meant to compete with our parents, but we should be better than them, at least on average according to evolution. Already now you are surpassing me and I see you recognize it when I make a spoken error, or can't find the right word. It is a sharp reminder of my limitations, but I don't feel bad about it when you see this, because it shows you are paying attention and observant of others, even if you don't yet understand fully why these things happen. We will discuss it more as time goes on, but it needn't concern you yet.
I have changed a lot and as a result, I don't have as much understanding or control over myself as I used to have, whether it be my words or my moods, but I am discovering what has changed and relearning what my body and mind has forgotten, or what no longer works in the way it should. It is a slow process at times, but I hope that one day I will get to a point that you will never be burdened by my inability, or have to deal with my lack of control.
Be patient.
It is something that I have been telling you since before you could speak and I hope it is something that you will carry with you always. Patience isn't about waiting, it is about working toward what you want without expecting the result to fall into your lap. All movements take time, the most valuable ones can take longer than the patience most people possess.
TL:DR
I think that is how many live their lives now. Everything of possible takes too long, too much effort, isn't convenient, doesn't feel nice enough - so few take the time, few travel that journey. I believe those who will in your generation will have highly rewarding lives, but don't expect to be counted among the masses, because it will be even rarer than today.
And today.
I always knew I wanted to be a father, but there was a time in my life where I was going to make a choice not to take that path. It isn't all pure joy, there is plenty of work, plenty of worry and hardships to contend with, but -
I am glad I did.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]