Live Free or Die Laughing: The American Primary Shitshow

Live Free or Die Laughing: The American Primary Shitshow

The Primary Quandary

It’s Primary Day in New Hampshire. My academic background is largely in politics, and I’ve always found the American primary system to be absurd. The early advantages of the Iowa Caucus and New Hampshire Primary, the first two in the nation, provide them with an undue level of influence on the broader process. Tangibly, and like we’re seeing on the Republican side right now with Ron DeSantis dropping out of the race after a poor showing in Iowa, these early states, which are quite different from the rest of the nation in terms of their demographic and psychographic compositions, set the agenda and act as gatekeepers for the rest of the race. Even though Donald Trump successfully mobilized a tiny majority of Republican caucus-goers in Iowa, a poor showing by Nikki Haley in New Hampshire could lead donors to abandon her, and force her to leave the campaign.

Reflections from Snowy Calgary

As I contemplate this from snowy Calgary, having spent five years in America during my PhD, I am continuously amazed at the undemocratic nature of the American political process. This is especially evident during primary season when, across parties, the early states set the agenda and act as proverbial filters, regardless of which candidate may be presenting the most compelling ideas, for the rest of the nation. Just as the so-called purple states are capable of “swinging” elections during the General Election, something which I saw firsthand during my time in Ohio, tiny states like New Hampshire and Iowa are able to even further create a proverbial funnel that deprives voters of actual free and informed choice in selecting their reader.

Mockocracy Over Democracy

This struck me today, as I promised myself I would not watch the Primary results but, in the spirit of a true degenerate turned them on anyway. In fact, my obsession is so salient that, in relation to my daily political satire NFT collection Mockocracy on the WAX Blockchain, I entitled the daily entry [“Live Free or Die – Every 1,463 Days (MURICA).”](https://neftyblocks.com/collection/primerogifts) My collection regularly takes the piss out of leaders around the world but the state of America has been laughable, from my position as an effete over-educated Canadian who hated mommy and daddy, for longer than I care to remember. This bothers me, not because it directly affects me, although I’m sure it does, but instead because Canadian media is heavily dominated by the weirdos to the South, and our media space is saturated by Yankee bullshit.

I Am A Political Scientist After All

At the end of the day though, I am a trained political scientist. In that respect, let’s remember that, while we refer to America as a democracy, it’s theoretically a Republic. The primary process is not the only undemocratic part of the American political sphere. From the highly partisan appointment of judges to the incredibly distortive nature of the Electoral College, American democracy is far more fragile than most Americans would believe. I will probably talk about this another time but I strongly believe that the United States of America will not be united indefinitely. The combination of these undemocratic institutions, the rise of populism on the right and left alike, as well as the relative decline of America are all forces which are inevitably pushing towards, as the Dillinger Four, the greatest punk rock band of all time, put it, “The Great American Going Out of Business Sale.”