💀🔥 The Ballad of Blight: The Day the Drikkens Got Fart-Blasted 🐉💨
It was a quiet Tuesday in Praetoria. Too quiet. The kind of quiet that precedes an apocalyptic fart-cloud of doom.
Deep beneath the Swamps of No Return, Dr. Blight stirred. But this wasn’t the usual twisted alchemist — this was Survival Mode Blight, enhanced by years of battling maxed-out bots and foraging 1-star rewards from chests of despair.
He had ascended.
He had evolved.
He had developed... the 10-foot-radius Poison Fart of Death™.
“One blast... a thousand dead,” Blight whispered, flexing his cheeks with focus.
Meanwhile, over the jagged skies of Mortis, a fleet of mighty Drikkens soared. Their scales shimmered with chaos magic. Their eyes burned with rage. They had one mission:
🐉 “FIND BLIGHT. DESTROY HIM. RECLAIM THE GYM MEMBERSHIP HE STOLE.”
They descended in a screeching swarm — 5,000 strong.
Blight? Unbothered.
As the Drikkens swooped in for the kill...
💨 BLIGHT. LET. IT. RIP. 💨
It echoed across all 6 Splinters. It cracked the Crystal Sea. It melted Moxian Steel. And it vaporized 1,000 Drikkens in an instant.
The survivors? Disoriented. Some now blind. One renamed himself “Karen.”
But before Blight could reload his cheeks...
🎶 CLUCK-CLUCK-CLAW-CLAW! 🎶
Out danced 10 Furious Chickens in unison — performing the ancient mating ritual of the Feathered Fiends.
This summoned Shin-Lo, the majestic dragon of legend, drawn by the raw erotic aura of synchronized poultry.
With glowing eyes and a puffed-out chest, Shin-Lo screamed:
“I AM HORNY, AND I WISH TO PLOW LIKE A GOAT ON TUESDAY!”
That was the final straw. The skies cracked open.
💣 The RUNI Army arrived — high on Chaos Shards and wearing NFT goggles. Their mission?
Nuke all castles 🏰
Steal every SPS vault ⚒️
Grind gold foil cards into powder
Mix it with their Praetorian ganga stash
GET BLAZED
BANG THE CHICKENS
“It’s for the DAO,” one whispered, lighting a Dark Energy Crystal blunt.
The Battle of Blight’s Booty Blaster™ became legend.
Drikkens became vegan. Shin-Lo never called the chickens back. Blight was last seen bottling his own gas as a new status effect: “🦨 Permanent Cloud.”
TL;DR:
Dr. Blight farted so hard he deleted 1,000 Drikkens.
Chickens seduced a dragon.
Shin-Lo is canonically a Tuesday Plow Daddy.
RUNI went full anarchist DAO mode.
Everyone got high on card dust and chicken vibes.