I am still asking myself how am I supposed to utter all the stories I have kept to tell you the next time we meet. Asking myself now if when that could be?
There are some days that I still weep wishing I could still talk to you, about how I was still haunted by all the nightmares I always told you about. Some days that I still send you messages on your facebook and instagram, hoping you'll respond "you are not Jang for nothing" like you always do, whenever everything is just too much to bear. Still talking to you on nights when sleep have forgotten about me. And still looking forward to hug you once more in my dreams and having to wake up cold 'cos I know you you weren't there anymore. I still smell and hug your hoodie on days I wished I could've just seek comfort on your arms instead of embracing a piece of cloth. I still play the first and last voice message you sent me just so I couldn't forget how your voice sounds like. 'cos sooner or later I am afraid I might.
I miss you, Ly. I keep missing you. I miss how you kiss and hug me goodbye whenever we part ways. And how you still do the same whenever we meet. And now not having you around felt like an injury that it would take a life time to heal.
But this. This is how I celebrate your life, always remembering you. Always, always talking to you as if you are still here, because you are, right? In here points to my heart
Hey buddy, I hope heaven isn’t that overrated and you’re having fun out there. It’s your 26th birthday supposedly. But now, you’ll be forever 23.
Missing you everyday,
Jang