We all carry scars from our past, some more visible than others. These scars can shape us, influencing how we interact with the world and the people around us. For years, I carried a heavy burden of unspoken pain—hurt by friends, and especially by a premarital relationship that hit deeply.
Looking back, I now realize that holding onto that pain for so long harmed me significantly.
Growing up, my father was very protective, almost to a fault. He often spoke about the dangers of making friends. While his intentions were likely rooted in love and a desire to protect us, this constant reminder of the downsides of friendships made it difficult for me to form meaningful connections. I became wary of others, always questioning their motives and fearing the potential hurt they could inflict.
My father's warnings created an invisible wall around me, one that automatically kept people at a distance. It wasn’t just about avoiding friendships; it was about self-preservation. I learned to keep my feelings to myself, to deal with pain on my own, and to never show vulnerability. This might have worked in the short term, but over time, it led to an accumulation of several hurts that began to weigh me down.
The peak of this emotional burden came during a premarital relationship. It wouldn't have been so bad if I'd not held on to the pains from friends in the past. Like anyone else, I had entered the relationship with hopes and dreams, but instead of blossoming, it came like a repeat of hurts. Yet, true to the way I was raised, I kept these feelings to myself. I didn’t talk to friends or family about what I was going through. I thought that by keeping silent, I was protecting myself from further hurt. But in reality, I was only prolonging my suffering.
For four long years, I carried this pain inside me. It affected every aspect of my life—my mental health, my relationships with others, and my overall sense of well-being. I was literally a shadow of myself. The pain was like a shadow that followed me everywhere, never allowing me to fully enjoy life or move forward.
It wasn’t until I started opening up to people I trusted that I began to heal. At first, it was difficult to break the habit of silence. I had to learn to trust again, to believe that sharing my pain wouldn’t make me weaker, but stronger. Slowly, I began to speak out about what I had been through. The more I talked, the lighter I felt. I didn't just talk because I wanted to, I was bent on finding healing. The pain that had once seemed so overwhelming began to lose its power over me.
Through this process, I learned a valuable lesson: people will hurt you, intentionally or not, but holding onto that hurt only gives it more power. By speaking out, by sharing your experiences with those you trust, you can begin to heal. It doesn’t mean the pain will disappear overnight, but it does mean that you no longer have to carry it alone.
I also realized that my father's fears, while understandable, didn’t have to define my life. Yes, friendships and relationships come with risks, but they also offer immense rewards—love, support, and connection. I decided that I wouldn’t let the fear of potential hurt keep me from experiencing the joy that comes from meaningful relationships. I would no longer allow negative attitudes to dictate my life.
Today, I am more open with my feelings. I’ve learned to express myself when I’m hurt, to seek support when I need it, and to let go of past pain that no longer serves me. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. My life is richer and more fulfilling because I’ve chosen to break free. I've also learnt to surround myself with valuable people that I can trust with my pains.
It's motivational Monday and I'm inspired to tell you to let go of past hurts. Take that first step toward healing. Speak out, share your story, and don’t be afraid to let others in. I know people might be judgemental but don't worry. The road to healing may be long, but it’s a journey worth taking. You deserve to live a life free from the shadows of the past, and the first step is choosing to let go. You've got a great life ahead of you. Live it to the fullest. Allow nothing to draw you back.
I'm rooting for you 💜❤️