THE CHRONICLES OF GIN
A Serialized Gingerbread Man Retelling for Adults
Part 14: Into the Negotiation
“So that's my story,” concluded Harvey.
“I guess you're a fan of domestication after all,” I said numbly.
“Absolutely!” he beamed “Life out here is chaos. I’m constantly on my toes, treading water, trying to survive the environment. Being a pet requires none of that, just cuddling and treats and bubble baths so you never smell nasty or get itchy. You wouldn't get it. You're just food. No one's ever gonna care about you like that. But I had it all once.”
“Yet somehow we're both here now,” I murmured distantly.
“And you're even dumber than I thought if you think your situation is anything like mine,” he sneered. “So long, Gin. It's been fun.”
Then he tipped his head back sharply, sending me flying into the air.
I'm sure he assumed gravity would carry me straight into his mouth at a predictable speed, where he’d crunch me once or twice with his least rotten teeth before swallowing me down.
But we all know what they say about assumptions.
As I reached my highest point, I felt an incredible peace wash over me. Time slowed to a crawl, and I had this almost transcendent awareness of exactly what I needed to do.
I tucked my head, arms, and legs as close to my core as possible, making myself ball-shaped. I fell straight past his teeth, and as I entered his throat, I unfolded instantly, spreading wide in my best impersonation of a starfish. Then I began to punch and kick the inside of his throat using all the force a guy with my speed can muster.
Harvey gagged, screamed, and forgot how to swim for a second or two as he tried frantically to spit me out. I complied but grabbed a wobbly front tooth on my way out and swung myself back up onto his nose. This time, I held onto his whiskers like reins.
I waited for him to stop coughing, gagging, and crying so hard before I spoke.
“You see, Harvey, the real difference between you and me is I came to this river ready to die, and you did not. If you try to eat me again, I will make sure neither one of us makes it out of here. Seriously. I've made peace with that.”
Harvey paused his coughing long enough to whimper, “Don't!”
“Well, you've got a choice here. You can die eating one last piece of gingerbread, which you'll be in way too much pain to enjoy, or you can take me to the other side. Like you promised.”
I felt the hesitation manifest as tension in his body, and I pulled just a little harder on those whiskers.
“No, no, no, wait, I'll take you!” rasped Harvey, his coughs having mostly subsided.
And he did. We made it to the other side so quickly I was certain he’d drawn out the trip before to gain my trust. Once we reached the other bank, he lowered his head to the ground so I could dismount easily, then he scampered off deeper into the forest, whimpering swear words directed at me all the way.
This isn't the end, but we're close... tune in for the final installment, definitely eventually (and probably THIS WEEK) 😉